Good moods bring sunshine.
cout << "Hello world!";
lol, you know I'm in a good mood when I start the post out in c++.
- - -
I got up naturally at 7:45am today. Fucking awesome.
I used to be a morning person, but after having babies (and probably my PCOS hormones being out of whack), it has been really hard to get up and at 'em in the morning.
Don't get me wrong, even as an early bird, I used to set my alarm hella early and have to hit the snooze button 2-3 times before really getting out of bed. ;)
Today marks the first day after a WEEK of taking progesterone supplements and feeling alive enough to naturally wake up early.
I AM super stoked. Had my coffee & maple & brown sugar oatmeal and woke up happily despite having a kinda bad sleep last night.
- - -
Chris and I went to bed last night almost on a sour note. I had figured something out yesterday with the help of my friend Iain and I was trying to share it with him. I'm not really that good at articulating my own emotions sometimes and Chris is really hypersensitive to it - so sometimes he immediately jumps down my throat or gets super defensive.
I level 90 boosted my warrior yesterday and was talking to Iain. His main has always been a warrior and since I hadn't chatted with him for a while, felt like it was a good opportunity to catch up and pick his brain. UNFORTUNATELY (LMAO), he's always been prot.
"The best advice that I could give you is not to listen to me about how to dps as a warrior."
Hahahahahahahahahaha!
Anyway, as we were catching up, he asked me how things are going. I said things are getting better, especially after re-finding out about PCOS. We're working on this marriage and although things aren't always sunshine and daisies, we're making the best of the situation.
He then told me, "This is what worries me. You, my dear friend, have to figure out what makes you happy. You're so good at making everyone else feel loved, supported, and happy that you forget about your own happiness."
I was caught off guard a bit, because he was right. I really didn't know what it was (or were) specifically that makes me happy within relationships. I started digging deep and thought about all the relationships I've had and what specifics about them made me happy.
They all had one thing in common: compatibility. Not necessarily being 'alike', but more like a combination of lifestyle, upbringing, and most importantly OCD (as crazy as it sounds). Everyone who I've been very close to in my life and had deeper connections with were similar in that respect.
How can I explain this?
Hmm...
(God damnit, lol my grandma just called to yell at me for not getting her a fitbit yet. WTF man!? LMAO How does she even know about this?!)
Anyway, this compatibility makes just everyday life significantly easier. It's nice to know that your significant other just 'does' what you do or at least doesn't question how you do things or how you function. I loved not having to always explain my thought process and little things like that makes me happy, surprisingly enough.
Sure enough, last night didn't go so well when I tried to explain this.
He immediately went directly to insinuating that I was trying to compare him to previous relationships - when that wasn't the case at all. I was trying to explain what worked for me; What made me happy. I didn't want him to try to be someone else or try to have OCD, lmao. I just figured that if our compatibility was an issue that, that is something I felt was important to discuss with Robin, our therapist. We have to figure out what works for us for the sake of the relationship and our children. We have to build new blocks because our old blocks were not compatible and stable enough.
In the end (after two hours of his pursuing and my withdrawing arguments), he finally understood and was pleasantly happy that I figured out a major component of the issues we're having.
It ended up frustrating me a little because I couldn't help but think that in any of my previous relationships, I wouldn't have even had to explain that!
Despite it all, I can only appreciate the effort. He's trying to make me happy although it doesn't always work out that way. It's many steps forward compared to what it was before.
It's not perfect, but I have to take life a day at a time. This is what I've got. This is what I have to work with. I need to do my best in what I can do.
xo
M
