Okay so I have a secret 90 blood elf warlock on Coilfang with Iain.
What are the odds that my Horde guild is the Thieves Brotherhood in the Demon Soul/Shadowburn grouping.
I'm telling you, God has a really awesome (or fucked up) sense of humor.
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On another quick note, I have officially quit smoking. GOD WHY do I have to have self worth? LOL It was easier when I didn't have as much - because then I could do whatever the hell I wanted without repercussions.
JESUS.
The cravings aren't as intense as you'd think. I think it's because I'm still sick and not craving so much of anything anyway.
Literally, my appetite for things i'd normally love has greatly diminished due to a lack of taste, haha and smell too. I had a chicken pot pie last night. Normally I really like it - but had a few bites and felt sick. GUH.
It's okay - I'm having a bowl of mini wheats in a bit and getting the day going. <3
I'm just having trouble getting the gears going. LOL. I woke up at 10am this morning. Granted, I went to bed super fucking late. Justin stayed up pretty late too and got up super early.
He really is a good friend of mine. Although my trust level of having best friends wavers, Justin has always been a good friend of mine - since my lvl 10 leveling days in Loch Modan. He's lawfully good, despite his druid/rogue like appearance on the outside and it's very much appreciated.
There are only a handful of people I've ever cried to, including Justin and Iain. I don't cry often, but when I do, it's for pretty good reason.
Today's tears are completely not for good reason! HAHAHAHA it's completely just PMS - and at least I can laugh about it. The fucked up part about me is that when I PMS, I KNOW that women get hormonally imbalanced (emotionally) so my body automatically does the exact opposite and laughs at myself about it. Don't get me wrong, I QQ about stuff too - I just find shit to laugh about more. Like Denwe.
I <3 Riki. He's so good to me, LOL. SERIOUSLY. No wonder I missed him and Shoji so much when they left WoW. He geared his witch doctor so I could have higher attack speed (to simulate tasker and theo, since it wouldn't drop for me). He also has a 2nd girl demon hunter that looks like mine with the same spec <3. That isn't even why he's good to me, hahaha. He just rushes me through stuff, gives me treats, and when I'm down, he sends me stuff to cheer me up. He sent me this youtube of Denwe falling asleep. I laugh hysterically EVERY time i watch it and it doesn't get old.
OMG i'd share it, but I can't! LOL hahaha He has it so I can't post it. I can link it though! :P
Sleepy Denwe
He also continues to push me to stay and be more awesome. Sometimes I forget about who I am deep down. I have such a role here as a mother and a wife that I forget what my qualities are. When you get a decent amount of aggro in your life, you actually end up having less self esteem (or the same but it's harder to build up) because people just want shit from you and you learn to take everything like a grain of salt. We get jaded and don't believe anything. How I get through this is believing in myself and truthfully owning up to my limitations and abilities (awesomeness).
I am the guild mom. I've always been the master of gathering people. Princess of Cogswell. Executive Producer. Mom. Wife. Daughter. Cousin. Best friend. Gamer. Nerd. Sports Fan. Beer Drinker. Lawfully good, "Righteous Path" (is literally what my name means), with a rescuer complex. I can feel people & I use it to bring people up.
Chris said to me a few days ago something profound and beautiful. "You're one of God's gifts. You're beautiful, amazing, and incredibly unique. Your purpose in life is to be a blessing for everyone you encounter."
Not many people can bring others up - but I like to surround myself around people who bring me up and avoid people who bring me down. Not being selfish - but because some people are just that way. Some people may be slightly negative on the inside, but manage to be motivating. Like Justin, he says he's more emo on the inside that what he puts off - but despite his inner turmoil, he manages to bring everyone up around him. That's an awesome person. Despite what you think Justin, you've got sunshine and rainbow glowing balls also.
That phrase that Chris said changed my view on life. It inspired confidence in ways I can't even explain. Prior to that, I felt resentful - like WTF why do I keep getting taken advantage of? How do I keep putting myself in these situations?
It's because It's my job. I am THAT person. I bring sunshine and rainbows and don't want anything in return because to see you smile makes my heart full and do a weird shake. Whether it's something stupid as fixing an old lady's computer or something more intense like singing in front of a church group. I do what's needed (in all ways) because I can. <3
I'm just starting to wholeheartedly appreciate the few blessings in my life - that God (or whomever is looking down on me from up there) blesses me with. Because if I affect people in the same ways that these few people affect me, then I'm doing a good job. <3
xo
eM
