Yaaaay

I can't type much because I'm in a hurry to shower and get ready to go.

<3

What an awesome thanksgiving!! Kuya proposed to Alma and it was beautiful. He's so awesome. One day I hope to be as awesome. :)

On another note, Riki is picking me up at noon! Lol, I was being demanding last night hahahahaha! "Come get me at noon!" "Ok that should be fine. I have to leave at 9 though." Perfect timing considering I don't wanna get home too too late.

I can't wait to see justin also. It's been too long. :) ahhhhhh I can't wait!! I can't wait to see Riki!! Omg!!! I'm slightly afraid for the drive because he drives kinda scary lol, but who knows? Maybe he's mellowed out a bit! ;)

I dunno what we're gonna do today and I don't really care, haha. I just can't wait to see old friends and hang out. <3

xo

eM

Leavin' on a jet plane

Ahh I'm in the plane to Edmonton just waiting to be de-iced.

It's Kelowna to Edmonton, then Edmonton to LAX. 

Not too much of a fan of the backtracking but it's okay. :)

I was on photobucket yesterday and found this. Lol, it was from a while back, but made me lmao. 

Hahahahaha, I forgot about that. The whole director of game balance title. It was only for a short time in the mmo world because I moved on to bigger and better things *cough*getting trained by Nintendo*cough* but it definitely was awesome! Not to mention, I'm fucking awesome at character balance - especially pertaining to pvp (surprisingly enough). It's the OCD with numbers.

I don't know if I ever want to go in that field again - but maybe if Club Penguin has an opening, I may apply for it. ;) God I'm such a nerd and I love Disney. 

<3

It's only been one day of not gaming and I'm going through withdrawals hahahahaha!

xo

eM

Roid rage!

Hahaha I went to the hospital yesterday because I took the maximum allowance for my asthma medication and still was having problems breathing.

For those who don't know, asthma isn't just your throat closing or anything like that. It's your airways constricting followed by the over production of mucus because of your dry airways. Or sometimes the mucus comes first (like if you have a cold) then your body freaks out and the airways try to squeeze it downwards. It's a retarded cycle.

Well I've always had pretty light asthma. What that means is that it had always been triggered by high physical activity or paired with allergies - like springtime pollen, grass, or dander. I'm not super allergic to any of that stuff, but if I'm exposed to it prolonged and if there's a lot, then I get asthma pretty quick. That's partly why I never played soccer (aside from learning it in P.E.).

This week, I'm finally getting over this godawful cold but struggling with asthma. I've been getting this wicked post nasal drip so the mucus makes my esophagus and airways think they need to constrict. I haven't been to the hospital to be hooked up to 100% oxygen and a nebulizer since I was 11 (and granted even then, I had the flu). 

They gave me steroids (that will last 3/4 days) in pill form as well as a high dose steroid inhaler. 

Okay they say that roid rage isn't that real, and that it varies from person to person but this morning, I woke up with serious roid rage lol! I can tell, so it's easy to control, but I just don't have patience and find myself not more easily upset but not wanting to deal with things easier. It's almost as if what my normal withdrawal behaviour in times of grumpiness is just exaggerated. Luckily, since it is so off and weird, I know it's the medicine and just make conscious efforts to be relatively level headed.

I'm feeling better today. I'm actually feeling quite awesome in my chest area at least. No pressure today - just the soreness from coughing up my lungs yesterday. My back was so sore last night that I had trouble laying on it. I was too afraid to take anything because of all the freaking medicine they gave me.

- - -

On another note, I hit 100 last night in 40 min. I know it took me "forever" or at least looked like it, but I fucking levelled so fast. Seriously averaged about 30min-an hour per level. It was about an hour if I had to fly a lot and if quest hubs were further apart. I just wasn't in that much of a hurry because honestly, as I told justin last night - I stopped playing at 99.7 to go on d3 to play with him, Riki, and Osaka. He encouraged me to ding, but I can ding anytime. I'd rather play with him and other friends while they're on. It's just a game after all.

- - - 

I'm having great fun in d3 right now becauuuuse, I currently have 2 mains atm!!

I know, what?? 

I've been playing a witch doctor lately as a partial cc tank. I know what? There is no aggro table in d3 like WoW. Taunt is useless. To make a great tank, you basically need someone with high survivability that can draw mobs towards them and keep them cc'd.

I can do both but my survivability is substantially lower than Justin's tank monk. Justin's tank monk can't really cc much though. What's been awesome is that we've been running with 2 dh's (Riki and Osaka) and justin and I, tank the instance. I know what? It's not like wow in a sense where your MT-OTing. 

In our case, we're like Captain Planet and both tank with our powers combined. He draws them in and keeps himself up.  I come in and horrify/stun lock them from casting while keeping them clustered while aura boosting the dps with my totem. 

We competed a 41 yesterday with minutes to spare. It was a record for my account. I always thought I was better as dps, but maybe I'm a better support role. :) who knows? I've never really gave it a chance so I wouldn't know.

All I know is that you get confidence from tanking significantly easier/faster than dpsing surprisingly enough. I dunno, knowing that you're keeping people from getting 1 shot or at least contributing to lessening the difficulty, is pretty awesome. 

Riki thought it was funny that I had a razer mouse. He wasn't surprised, but he said he didn't know any other girls that had it. Hahaha, it's only a 7 button! The reason why we brought up my mouse is that Riki showed me how to make a macro for my WD to keep up spirit walk. It's situational and I still prefer to press 2, but it's nice when there's consistent density of garbage mobs.

I was going through photo bucket today just looking at old convos etc. I found a pic of my old laptop and it made me awwww inside lol.

I don't know why I didn't use my other razer mouse here. I think it's cause I wanted a wireless since I was bringing the laptop, who knows? Anyway, this thing was a beast a 3 thousand dollar, Alienware beast. Awwww and my old mousepad <3.

Riki lanned with us which explains why he wasn't surprised but I always get kinda caught off guard if people are surprised by the nerdiness. I was talking to Booger (David) the other day about wow, d3, and computer stuff. He completely didn't think I was that nerdy. He's a Facebook friend of mine and I've known him in Wow for like 8 years or so. He's in Lost Anarchy. He just couldn't believe that I was that nerdy from my Facebook until we started talking about d3 and the upcoming changes. His main is a dh. He said he played the snot out of it and was quite cocky about his dh's damage output. He reached a million and was doing t6 content. 

Honey, I'm group gritting in the 40's. Solo drifting in the 30's. T6 content is my bitch. I don't even farm t6 rifts anymore as much as grifts for shards and seriously if you're going to brag about damage, you should really take a gander at my Facebook cover image before you talk lol. I'm at 4 mil grouped. High 2's low 3mil solo.

I told him to come back to d3 and try big kid stuff ;).

My damage output still is meh because of the lack of attack speed (t&t) but because of how they're changing the class in the next patch - how you're going to have to shoot to get your sentries to shoot, it's not based on attack speed anymore - just damage, crit hit, and crit hit chance. It's basically catered to my spec (item build).

So next patch, that ridiculous 4 mil damage should be fucking OP. I can't wait. Hopefully I can make a big jump from soloing 30 to soloing 40's without needing to respec to lightning. ;) we'll see.

I'm having too much fun playing my wd right now though. 

I have ridiculous luck with weapons in that game. Seriously. I just got the furnace for my wizard, lol. BiS 2h mace.

My wizard is poopscake too! She just barely reached a mil damage. Too bad. I would've given it to c2 but he wasn't with us at the time. Riki said something sweet/cute yesterday, hahahahaha. I was complaining that I finally got to 900k damage and holy crap she's crap! He told me to switch a skill to magic weapon and check my deeps again. "See you've got damage!" Lol it boosted my damage output to over a mil. ;) he knows just what to say to bring up my epeen, hahahahaha.

Awwwww <3

I also found this

lol. That's nerdy.

On another note my JR post got 89 comments. That's crazy!

K time to go for now. 

xo

eM

Late Start

Had a late start this morning.

Had an awesome talk with my invisible bff to clear things up last night.

We'll always be bffs, and because of that - we care enough about each other to want the best for each others' futures.

So it's goodbye, for now; not forever. Just until things improve vastly for us in our lives. 

I'm excited for both of us. We have great things going for us.

Our relationships are getting super healthy. I guess I can't really say that about his life although I think it is, I can definitely say that about my own.

Awesome people make awesome things happen. Sometimes we have to be reminded of the awesomeness we possess. It's hard to see it sometimes.

He was able to tell me that I wasn't s placeholder - that I set the bar (and that I had to set it so high). I know I've heard it before from other people, but it was nice to hear it from someone who doesn't have any reason (nor benefit) to mislead me.

My husband has been looking at me differently lately. It's sweet and cute. He looks at me like a man checking out a good looking woman. I can feel his intentions and he's really attracted to me. It's refreshing because it normally is hard for him to expose that side of himself.  He doesn't usually like to show me what I mean to him just because it's unnatural for him and probably makes him feel cheesy. He's not that good at handling cheese.

I am. I am a fucking dairy farm with a cheese processing plant. I make mozzarella like it's coming out of my pores, hahahahaha.

It's nice to share my cheese with my husband for once because we never really did that much.

We're taking the kids to see Grama today because she's participating in a Craft Faire to sell her photos. :) it's the first time in a while that we've gone to something like this in a while. Chris is hoping that Grama can take the kids after and we can go on a date this evening. 

I don't even know what that's like anymore. Well sorta, lol. ;)

Even spending time together watching movies or tidying up the house is quality time for me. Quality time in which we lacked in our relationship. :) I'm happy to see us progress. I'm happy that I'm finally feeling happy. 

Sad part is that I don't have a fucking tank anymore! What the heck?? I know, I've always had tanks. So I've adjusted by using my voidwalker. They've buffed my voidwalker's tanking ability so it's been great.

I met a prot gnome warrior last night. He was really cool and I noticed him because of the mount he was on and the pet he had out. He had the white hawkstrider, bulwark of azzinoth, and the fossilized hatchling. Hahahahaha and the funny part is that he immediately went to tease me (not knowing me at all) but whispered me, "holy crap can you kill these rare elites any faster?" 

I was soloing a bunch of rare elites and he came in and taunted for me. I was like dude, "Can you not see the green fire? I'm fine." Hahahahaha no I didn't say that in game, but I definitely said it out loud. He asked if we could party because I was killing all the mobs, hahaha. So I agreed and he complimented my dps. :)

We started linking pets and questing. :) I had a good time (although he quests wayyy to slow for my tastes lol). As soon as he joined the party, I got rid of my voidwalker and said "sorry I'll get rid of him. I know how annoying a tanking pet is for tanks." He said, "Just turn off the taunt. ;)" I'm thinking, you clearly don't know how voidwalkers work if you're saying that. All my attacks are threat generators and taunts, lol! He does no damage (or hardly) auto attacking. ;)

Maybe this dude will tank for me. :) we will see. I hate hour long queues! Lol

Anyway were here!! Will post pictures later. <3

xo

eM

Rinoa

We saved the rinoa streak, slightly.

It's not bright pink but it's still slightly there.

<3

xo

eM

Gorgeous

It turned out soooo awesome. I feel like a friggin rock star, lol. Choi, that man is amazing.

I absolutely love it.

I'm telling you, I look cuter with lighter hair! The darkness makes the inner dark and twisty warlock too visible.

Hahahaha 

xo

eM

So fickle

Changed my mind last minute!!! 

Be brave, be brave.

It won't be this short, but it'll be this color!

Love love love it!!! Can't wait. 

xo

eM

Face palm

Lol I just posted this hefty blog post in an older blog - on accident because I'm adjusting to this new phone and the slight app differentiation.

Dear lord.

I'll be direct in this one, hahahahaha.

Great morning, great kids, great coffee, great husband (woke up to a spotless kitchen, coffee made, and happy kids), love my new phone, and getting my hair done!! :)

Life is good to me today. <3

I've made my decisions. I'm pretty sure I made the right ones. 

<3

Will post pictures soon!! :)

xo

eM

Ainu people

I'm a quarter of Ainu descent. I'm not sure it's russian or sakhalin, because it was such a long time ago, that my great great grandparents didn't explain that kind of stuff to their offspring when they got to Hiroshima.

All I know is that my Grandpa and my Grandaunt (one of the 2) had blueish grayish eyes and more Caucasian like features. I wouldn't say he looked white, because he didn't. He just didn't look typical 'Oriental' (vs pacific islander) Asian.

Like here....

Nanako Matsushima is an A list actress in Japan. I love her. LOL <3 she's 100% regular Japanese.

This below is Mina Sakai. She's also 100% Japanese but of Ainu descent. She's awesome because she does music for the Final Fantasy series. <3 

Anyway, I was looking this stuff up today because I got a message about my new profile pic about the Ainu from someone from this Half Japanese group that I belong to. I responded that I was partially Ainu (but didn't really identify with the culture at all). They said they could see it immediately because of my fair skin & larger shaped eyes (not to mention that they were blue). I laughed and said I was cheating with the color. 

Now that I look at Mina Sakai, I guess I could understand how I look more like that than the full blooded Japanese girl. I dunno? It's weird. 

I've never been told that I look Ainu before. I take it as a compliment because my Jiichan was a handsome young man and his sisters were beautiful. I mean come on, how often do you find women that look like Snow White (with bluish grayish eyes (or light brown), larger almond shaped, and with dark brown naturally wavy hair that's not caucasian), for reals!?

I'm fucking Snow White. Hahahaha 

- - -

I gg, lol my d3 stalker is beckoning me to sign on. <3

xo

eM

Bye bye to Rinoa

Goodbye to my Rinoa streak! 

It's been great but it's almost grown out and time to try something new! Plus, Rinoa was a whiny pansy who couldn't handle her ultimecia uberness. Although I idolized her growing up, I'm not sure how much I really even liked the game, nevertheless her. Ok I totally take that back, hahahahaha. I can't even say that with a serious face. Ff8 was totally romantic. Squall was an idiot and kind of bland, but they were cute. 

I'm gonna pick up my 6+ today and hopefully get my case early next week!!! Hair tomorrow and shopping today.

xo

eM

Oh, Canada!

So I get paid for being a stay at home mom. Seriously. I get paid 12-20k a year to be a stay at home mom and now 30kish for the first 5 years of kes' life on top of that. So on the low end, that's a good 40k a year doing what I do already. And it's nice because I get paid monthly. :) 

Canada supports their stay at home moms well, I'll give them that. :)

I got a cheque for 4k this morning randomly. Hahaha ;)

I got paid a bit later because of Canadian thanksgiving last month I think, so it rolled over to this month.

It's not crazy money, but it's mine (well no I give it to the kids) but still, it's mine for the decision making. It's just a nice bonus on top of Chris' stipend. :) it makes living quite comfortable and allows us to work on our relationship.

Don't get me wrong, we still have a ways to go and I'm not sure some things can ever be repaired. One wonderful thing about Chris though, is that I never had to question his loyalty. He may have a hard time showing love and cheese the way I would, but his love doesn't waver from stress. His behaviours do, but the way he feels about me doesn't. It's nice to know that I'm completely "the one" for him with no, "ifs, ands, or buts" involved.

I'm working on him being "it".  I love my husband. There was a time where he was anything and everything I needed. This mental illness problem we've encountered in our relationship has changed many things. It's opened the doors to patience, effort, and perseverance. Something noobs in life can't fathom (including myself sometimes). 

I fall out of love when the behaviours are at a high then have to do my best to fall back in love. It gets harder as the years pass. What I'm trying to fathom is not falling out of love to begin with. Trying to be OP at the "compassionate" spell/talent and spam it like we've got an enrage timer. Hahahaha you know what I mean. Don't hate on the nerdy. <3

I'm still a noob at life.

Like I said, if I think I'm a noob, dear lord, my husbands 2 years younger. God knows men are oblivious idiots. 

Idiots. 

I am smart. I do know better, which is why I stayed to participate in therapy so my children would be the least affected by out bullshit. "I have some major limitations up here." It became "nazi canada" for a reason. Bad reasons, but reasons enough. There were/kinda still are some major control issues that we are working on. The goal was to be rid of those major issues before the coming year and re-examine our relationship.

Tbh, I'm kind of happy the way things are going between Chris and I right now. It feels like it's taking fucking forever. It's $110 per hour and we must have gone 40 times. I do have more compassion for him and I definitely have more self worth. 

I'm finding that I don't discriminate against men (or people in general), lol and that's the problem. I am one of those people that just don't judge and am a good person to anyone - if they need help. I fucking spread love and sunshine. I'm one of those people who holds signs at county fairs that say "free hugs" and wonders why I got raped or mugged. Hahahaha that's such an awful analogy. 

K the point is - because I don't have a QA people department in my soul, my brain and heart, judge for me and they end up letting everyone in because I have enough love for all the orphans, small abandoned animals, and snuggly things in the WORLD.

This is the cause for being taken for granted or taken advantage of. No one wants to do that to me, because I'm sweet and loving. It's like breaking a child's toy on purpose. We joke about it but honestly, could you seriously handle crushing that child like that? I get that people don't want to hurt me. :) it's reassuring.

I just get my role in life now. It makes it easier when I can prepare to encounter this kind of stuff ahead of time. I am a blessing for others. I can't expect anything in return aside from their satisfaction or happiness. If I'm not helping others, I'm not doing my job. The end. Maybe this is truly gods plan - maybe I'm just a chronic sweetheart. Either way, at least I'm prepared. :)

xo

eM

AHHHH

I did my case! :D :D :D

Can't wait to get it! <3 <3 <3

YAAY I can't wait! <3

The best ever

<3 justin. He's the best ever.

I was gonna alter (Instagram) this picture but tbh, it doesn't need filters to be cute. Lol! Not trying to be cocky, just trying to be real. It's a cute picture - despite the fact I'm hacking up a lung-sick. I know, I fucking pull off being not sick like a boss.

K I photoshopped this this one, hahaha. Iknorite? There is no questioning what class I play. Totally a lock. I'd probably have purple fire, if they'd let me. 

Omg I could totally pass off as a vampire, but even more so a vampire hunter. Maybe I'm half vampire, Blade style. Dear Lord, I would totally rock Klaus' hybrid world. He would just need to give Asian girls a chance hahahaha. A vampire hunter & an original vampire. Ahhhhhh the Romeo & Juliet horror-romance version-I love it. Someone make this!!!

I don't need a knight in shining armor. I am a shadow frost demon hunter warlock in cloth and leather. Knights don't hold a candle to my deeps. ;)

I need friends/party members where we all benefit from being in each other's lives.

xo

eM

Haaaaiiiiir

Hooray I'm gonna get my hair done. Chris is scheduling an appointment with my Master Stylist (seriously that's his title hahaha) sometime in the next few days!!

I had initially wanted an ombré, but my hair isn't long enough (for my tastes for it to look good) so I'm doing this!

I know, right? Real creative. It's the haircolor I've had forever hahahaha pre-babies. I hope it still suits my face hahaha. It's been a while since I've had it. Will post pictures when it's done.

xo

eM

What are the ODDS?

Okay so I have a secret 90 blood elf warlock on Coilfang with Iain.

What are the odds that my Horde guild is the Thieves Brotherhood in the Demon Soul/Shadowburn grouping.

I'm telling you, God has a really awesome (or fucked up) sense of humor.

- - -

On another quick note, I have officially quit smoking. GOD WHY do I have to have self worth? LOL It was easier when I didn't have as much - because then I could do whatever the hell I wanted without repercussions.

JESUS.

The cravings aren't as intense as you'd think. I think it's because I'm still sick and not craving so much of anything anyway.

Literally, my appetite for things i'd normally love has greatly diminished due to a lack of taste, haha and smell too. I had a chicken pot pie last night. Normally I really like it - but had a few bites and felt sick. GUH.

It's okay - I'm having a bowl of mini wheats in a bit and getting the day going. <3

I'm just having trouble getting the gears going. LOL. I woke up at 10am this morning. Granted, I went to bed super fucking late. Justin stayed up pretty late too and got up super early.

He really is a good friend of mine. Although my trust level of having best friends wavers, Justin has always been a good friend of mine - since my lvl 10 leveling days in Loch Modan. He's lawfully good, despite his druid/rogue like appearance on the outside and it's very much appreciated.

There are only a handful of people I've ever cried to, including Justin and Iain. I don't cry often, but when I do, it's for pretty good reason.

Today's tears are completely not for good reason! HAHAHAHA it's completely just PMS - and at least I can laugh about it. The fucked up part about me is that when I PMS, I KNOW that women get hormonally imbalanced (emotionally) so my body automatically does the exact opposite and laughs at myself about it. Don't get me wrong, I QQ about stuff too - I just find shit to laugh about more. Like Denwe.

I <3 Riki. He's so good to me, LOL. SERIOUSLY. No wonder I missed him and Shoji so much when they left WoW. He geared his witch doctor so I could have higher attack speed (to simulate tasker and theo, since it wouldn't drop for me). He also has a 2nd girl demon hunter that looks like mine with the same spec <3. That isn't even why he's good to me, hahaha. He just rushes me through stuff, gives me treats, and when I'm down, he sends me stuff to cheer me up. He sent me this youtube of Denwe falling asleep. I laugh hysterically EVERY time i watch it and it doesn't get old.

OMG i'd share it, but I can't! LOL hahaha He has it so I can't post it. I can link it though! :P

Sleepy Denwe

He also continues to push me to stay and be more awesome. Sometimes I forget about who I am deep down. I have such a role here as a mother and a wife that I forget what my qualities are. When you get a decent amount of aggro in your life, you actually end up having less self esteem (or the same but it's harder to build up) because people just want shit from you and you learn to take everything like a grain of salt. We get jaded and don't believe anything. How I get through this is believing in myself and truthfully owning up to my limitations and abilities (awesomeness).

I am the guild mom. I've always been the master of gathering people. Princess of Cogswell. Executive Producer. Mom. Wife. Daughter. Cousin. Best friend. Gamer. Nerd. Sports Fan. Beer Drinker. Lawfully good, "Righteous Path" (is literally what my name means), with a rescuer complex. I can feel people & I use it to bring people up.

Chris said to me a few days ago something profound and beautiful. "You're one of God's gifts. You're beautiful, amazing, and incredibly unique. Your purpose in life is to be a blessing for everyone you encounter."

Not many people can bring others up - but I like to surround myself around people who bring me up and avoid people who bring me down. Not being selfish - but because some people are just that way. Some people may be slightly negative on the inside, but manage to be motivating. Like Justin, he says he's more emo on the inside that what he puts off - but despite his inner turmoil, he manages to bring everyone up around him. That's an awesome person. Despite what you think Justin, you've got sunshine and rainbow glowing balls also.

That phrase that Chris said changed my view on life. It inspired confidence in ways I can't even explain. Prior to that, I felt resentful - like WTF why do I keep getting taken advantage of? How do I keep putting myself in these situations?

It's because It's my job. I am THAT person. I bring sunshine and rainbows and don't want anything in return because to see you smile makes my heart full and do a weird shake. Whether it's something stupid as fixing an old lady's computer or something more intense like singing in front of a church group. I do what's needed (in all ways) because I can. <3

I'm just starting to wholeheartedly appreciate the few blessings in my life - that God (or whomever is looking down on me from up there) blesses me with. Because if I affect people in the same ways that these few people affect me, then I'm doing a good job. <3

xo
eM

Justinned

So I told Justin the story. The for reals story down to the tears. 

At first, justin really wanted me to reconcile or make nice with his friend. By the end, he definitely felt for me and I'm not even sure he wants to share the story, lol. The intention wasn't to put friends against each other. Justin doesn't really have a spiteful bone in his body.

He wanted to know what's up because it didn't make much sense and it made me look crazy town. Well, lol I can warrant a little bit of crazy town considering the circumstances. 

For one thing, I think we must have had different ideas of what this promise was. Mine was based from a nerdy gamer quote.

Anyhoo, it's okay. Let's just call that an epic misunderstanding fail. 

I wish I could explain more, but I can't. 

xo

eM

Lol crazy town

Lol I this is gonna sound crazy town but the clairsentient exercises worked.

The goal was to identify 10 people. Chris would give me a picture of a random person, I would look at their face for a minute or so and describe them. You're supposed to start out with if the person gives you a negative or positive feeling and go from there describing the details of that - the specifics of the person. I was 10/10. 

The second exercise involved Chris thinking of a color. Since this doesn't involve feelings, the exercise requires physical touch - then a guess. Prior to holding his hand I was like 2/10. After holding his hand I was 9/10. Pretty crazy.

Yeah ok I'm starting to appreciate it.

xo

eM

Debunking

Okay despite my OCD in researching shit that I don't understand, I haven't really looked into clairsentience much. Mostly because despite the fact that the priest deemed me an official clairsentient, I'm not sure how much I truly believe in the "miraculous" and "supernatural" aspects of it.

Personally, all people have a level of eminating frequency. Usually it's between 62 and 72hz. I think clairsentients are just sensitive to this frequency and notice the

changes. Not all people who are clairsentients are empathics. People who can feel people, I think, just have a high IQ & EQ to be able to interpret these frequencies. 

All in all, I'm still a freak, but it's nothing supernatural or miraculous.

I found some exercises that some clairsentients do to be better at it. Some of it is hokey shit that I'm not sure I even buy, but some of it I know I can do. I'm trying it out with Chris today, lol.

That's all I've got for now.

xo

eM

SoCal

So stoked!  Sooo so so stoked!!

It is official, bruh!

Osaka's picking me and my blue Hello Kitty suitcase up on Wednesday!!! 

We plan on hanging with some friends on wed. I'm staying with my kuya till Sunday, but going free range shooting on Friday with the guys and a get together on Saturday involving scary movies, soju (or other alcoholic beverages), and puzzle fighter. I hope it's not too much of a drunken night because I leave on Sunday morning, hahaha.

Thursday I'll be with Kuya and Alma for Thanksgiving & the shhhhhhhh proposal. ;) hahahaha 

Just can't wait!!! Cannot wait.

- - -

On another note, at least Justin is talking to me again.

He's sad and grumpy that I "accused my (our) friend of something horrible". 

There's too much baggage that I just can't reopen a can of worms.

I never complained to Andy about anything. I never said he had malicious intent. It's just the nature of what happens. I don't blame him or hate his guts. I truly hope he's happy. 

Am I resentful? You fucking bet your ass I am. I'm resentful at this whole god damn situation. I just don't want to partake in it anymore.

 Let me go. I'm not that important, seriously. That wasn't fishing for anything - I was being truthful. I'm just a good friend. You'll have (and do have) plenty of great friends without the baggage of forcing yourself to be friends with someone you may have had feelings for at some point.

Get frustrated, get mad at me, whatever. "Whatever, I'm over it." <-- do that. 

- - - 

On a WoW gaming note, I went 3 lvls in 2 hours yesterday. I know it's not a world record or anything, but I was on a frickin roll! Then Becca and I got dc'd and I couldn't sign back in until a few hours later. I hope to be 100 before I get to SoCal, but we will see. I'm also not in a rush. When I get to 100 though, I may xfer back my warlock to n'z. I will definitely do it if riki and shoji return. Shit, if they came back, I'd do it right now, lmao. 

I'm picking up my iPhone 6+ on fridaaaaayyyy!!! It's gonna be so massive, I don't know how I feel about it. Considering I have small hands, I'm gonna have to use two hands to hold it to my head while I make a phone call, lol. <3 I can't wait!!!

k enough drama for my llama. What sucks about drama is that it's like a wildfire. It fucking spreads so fast and the more you try to blow that shit out, the bigger out gets. The only thing you can do is evacuate and let it run it's course. Or call the fire department, in which I guess Justin would be a firefighter. This is a blaze you just have to let die out.

Not sayin' but just sayin'. Lol

xo

eM

Mind blown

Some chick on sbnation (yes I read sbnation, it's the stats I'm attracted to) just said kaepernick is the best quarterback because he's the hottest one. Dear Lord lady, it's because of people like you that women don't get taken seriously regarding sports. I'm not saying Kaep isn't hot, but it's not what makes him awesome.

I'm not blogging about Kaepernick at 7am. I just noticed this unbelievable act of "normal" girl ness and puked in my mouth a little.

Wtf are you even doing on sbnation commenting? Dear Lord. Go home, you're drunk.

lmao

xo

eM

Ahhh

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh I can't escape, lol.

Now justin is mad at me. Greeaaaat.

He says he's not mad, but he also won't play d3 with us.

Dear Lord. 

Seriously, I have the right to walk away. It doesn't matter what I think or what they think I think. I'm allowed to end things. Jesus. 

You want an explanation? 

You don't get one. Sheesh!

I don't need to apologize for ending anything and I don't need to apologize for being hurt. I also, also, also, don't need to fucking hear an explanation just to ease your heavy heart.

You and Justin think I'm wrong - that's fine. Your intentions may have been legit (for all I fucking know). The point was, I still got taken advantage of emotionally, anyway. You're there for me when you need something, but it's different when it isn't convenient for you. Lol mistake or unintentional, I don't care. Either way, the end product was the same.

I'm sorry I ruined your September and/or summer by being married. I'm sorry that living in "Nazi Canada" burdened our friendship. Like seriously, what do you want me to say? This is retarded because you knew what kind of relationship friendship you were getting into to begin with. It's not like I hid anything. 

I'm sorry that it worked out the way it did. I'm an awesome best friend and expect awesomeness in return. I'm sorry that it's so hard to be friends with me. Trust me, I know all about the difficulty in maintaing close friendships with me considering I've  lost all my close best friends (basically) for the same reasons.

Despite it all, I don't have sympathy because you knew all of this yet you still persevered. It was a kind gesture but we all knew there would be serious repercussions. Which is why I didn't want you to fucking tell the world - because I knew it would end at some point and I would literally become the lightning rod of hate and blame yet again. 

So no explanations, no apologizing, nothing. I don't need or want anything from you. It's already taken its toll on me. I don't want to deal with any more.

Happy trails with your new void filler. I hope it works out for you better this time, as in - I hope you actually truly care about this one for her sake.

xo

eM

Response

Ahh I just got a WoW email.

I know you never meant to hurt me. I know you care. I'm sorry it has to be this way. It doesn't make it easier. I'm happy you're in a relationship. I hope things go well for you. 

Despite his intentions, the fact is people say anything to get their way. 

I don't believe that he truly ever cared for me the way he believed he did. He wasn't lying when he said it - but like Iain said, "they don't fall for you as a person - the Michie inside. people fall for this idea of you, like this perfect trophy wife to fill the void." It's a floating feeling of aspects of women that they absolutely love - that gets transferred from one possible interest to the next compatible on the list.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to invalidate his feelings. I'm sure he thought he did. But let's be real, if it takes less than a month to rebound to someone similar, but with actual potential for immediate and regular sexual interaction, the initial relationship couldn't have weighed that heavily. Lol, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure that one out. One track minded. /sigh

It's okay, lol bizzaringly enough, I just want him to be happy so I don't even care. I just don't want to be part of it again.

xo

eM

Teehee

Sick mama <3 

Jung personality type test

So, I've taken a few Jung personality type tests before and gotten different results each time.

For those that don't know about the test, 

According to Carl G. Jung's theory of psychological types [Jung, 1971], people can be characterized by their preference of general attitude:

• Extraverted (E) vs. Introverted (I),

their preference of one of the two functions of perception:

• Sensing (S) vs. Intuition (N),

and their preference of one of the two functions of judging:

• Thinking (T) vs. Feeling (F)

The three areas of preferences introduced by Jung are dichotomies. Jung also proposed that in a person one of the four functions above is dominant – either a function of perception or a function of judging. Isabel Briggs Myers, a researcher and practitioner of Jung’s theory, proposed to see the judging-perceiving relationship as a fourth dichotomy influencing personality type [Briggs Myers, 1980]:

• Judging (J) vs. Perceiving (P)

They then take the dominant type from each category to help create the personality type acronym. There are 16 possible outcomes in this test. 

I decided to take an average of the results. Despite the fact that all my answers are honest, the answers are situational provide a marginally different outcome each test. They're not way off each test, but I always get all of the letters. 

I have tested in the 0-5% range of every category. So basically smack dab in the middle of every category. I do not weigh higher on ANYTHING. All of my tests, have weighed within the 0-5% range. 

The scales of these four dimensions represent a continuum between two opposite poles, from 100 at one pole to 100 at another pole. In other words the scale is 200 units long:

Extravert [100% - - - 0% - - - 100%] Introvert

People may reveal features of both poles but typically have a preference of one way over the other. The letter indicates the preference and the percentage indicates the extent of it.

Apparently, most people aren't within the 0-5% range on any one thing, then on top of that, it's almost unheard of for people to be balanced on 2 categories. I am the weird freak that's balanced on all 4. 

Thank you emotional quotient, clairsentience, for making me so balanced that I broke a personality test! 

I finally came "out of the closet" about clairsentience with Iain last night. I felt comfortable to "come out" because he's a clairsentient as well. Go ahead think I'm crazy, but don't act all surprised because I've probably felt your emotions obviously at some point where it was "weird that I just happened to know exactly what you were feeling" or "you know me better than I know myself". I don't. I just cheat and feel you.

Being clairsentient brings a different level of misery to someone's life. I'm never surprised. You can't hide anything because despite the fact that I'm not psychic and don't know what you're thinking, I'm clairsentient and feel what you're feeling, then interpret it through logic on what's going on. I'm always right when it comes to feeling the emotion. I'm just not always right when interpreting. Some people have very obvious physical emotional responses that I can feel. Like grieving from a loss - that's specific and feels totally different from getting a bad grade on a test. I can feel all the inbetweens of all those emotions. 

Anxiety is a hard one. There are variations, but anxiety can be so intense that it clouds the other more specific emotions. 

Love is specific. There are a myriad of different kinds of love. How one person defines love is completely different from another. I can feel them all - as different as they are.

Anyway, I had to go prove it to my catholic father. I had to "feel" 3 people because in the Catholic Church, you need 3 miracles to happen in order for it to be acknowledged. I read 3 people spot on, even down to the physicality of where they were feeling it. Then I proceeded to feel my priest as his skepticism had quickly changed to asking me, "Who was your patron saint at confirmation?" I told him it was St. Francis. He proceeded to tell me that it was fitting (and a 4th miracle) because St. Francis was the initial clairsentient in history, apparently. "This is not a coincidence. This is all part of His plan."

Okay? Not to be a Debbie downer, but if god granted me this weird ability to help people and I'm a selfish bitch who only used it for getting good on interviews and knowing what I was getting for Xmas ahead of time, I'd say I failed this mission for reals. 

My priest continued to tell me that there are people on earth that many Catholics believe were miracles - not meant to be here but are angels put on earth designed to help others. Most of them have supernatural abilities. 

Hold the phone.

First of all, I don't even know if I believe that this is a supernatural ability. I've always thought it was just great intuition and just a higher emotional quotient. 

Secondly, don't imply I'm some kind of angel, because I'm not. I'm not one of God's gift to mankind. I'm just a weirdo with high emotional intelligence.

So after that evaluation, I officially got deemed as a clairsentient. Hardly anyone knows - and it's not something I really am particularly happy or proud about. Iain is also clairsentient. We can feel each other trying to feel each other, it's hilarious. Like concious scanning or observation.

Why did I bring this up? 

Because I had a rough day yesterday. In all ways, hahahaha.

Because Iain said we were an evolution of people - emotional quotient wise. That we are awesome. Most people just won't ever realize that we are, since we fade into the darkness so easily. We're the most highly adaptable people and we're reserved and also wear our hearts on our sleeves. 

My point was - I took the test to prove a point to myself. The point was that I'm weird - and so fucking unique it's ridiculous. I literally can be what most people need because I don't have a defined specific personality type. I am literally a book full of blank pages to fill. I hardly say no - because why not? I adapt to everything and anything. I'm not pigeonholed into any category. I'm not just a girl gamer. I'm not just a nerd. I wasn't just a softball player, band geek, or cheerleader. I was fucking everything because I could be. 

So go ahead and judge. Judge me for being weird or be skeptical. Judge me for being angry or whatever you think I reflect. Because I am weird, nerdy, and clairsentient. 

This doesn't make me angry. This makes me confident. Because although being so unique can be a lonely place, I'm also in a league of my own. That feels fucking OP.

xo

eM

Sweet ball of glowing light

Part of my convo with Justin yesterday 

After this, I had a lengthy convo with my good friend Iain. I am the epitome of the knight in shining armor. I am that dude that comes in to help or be there for people that need anything - unbiased and unjudging. I just have this fucked up ideal of making people feel like a million bucks regardless if they deserve it or not. 

When they get to the point where I've  contributed to the growth of enough confidence and/or gotten what they needed out of me, it enables them to grow enough balls to pursue people they initially hadn't had enough balls to pursue initially and drop off the face of the earth (until they need something from me again).

I am the placeholder friend (typically without sexual benefits), the understudy, that fills the void until they're ready to grow a pair.

I like to call it, "the silver medal".

If it were just once or twice, I wouldn't be so hard on myself. Unfortunately, it's happened to every relationship & best friend relationship I've had since high school.

After talking with Iain (whom I have this bond with because he also is like me in a sense where we either get friendzoned if we're single and/or indirectly used on the regular), we've come to the conclusion that this will never end. It will never end because this is who we are. We'll always be loving, selfless, and overly caring individuals. Unconfident people flock to us looking for sunshine and rainbows. We can't help but bring people up because it makes us happy. Then the indirect taking advantage part comes into play. We're just a crutch in their lives. They all claim to love us, but we're so easily casted aside after we're no longer needed.

Story of my life. Story of Iain's life.

What's even more ruthless about this is that even in my current situation, although I know Chris loves me, he struggles with difficulty in showing any love, which furthermore contributes to this "absolutely unlovable complex".

Initially, I cried about this for a lot of yesterday and did my whole pity party about, "Dear god I didn't think I was that awful and unlovable."

Reality is, I am lovable. I love myself - otherwise I wouldn't have conviction in my decisions. I just have put myself out there and made myself venerable to the wrong people. I make poor choices in friends because I'm gullible. I will believe it when you tell me that I'm the best friend ever so you can get whatever you're looking for, companionship, fun, happiness, confidence, etc. Then when I get casted aside when something better comes along, I'll question if any of it was real to begin with. 

I want to believe that my first boyfriend of all time (who loved me harder than anyone I've ever had a relationship with had), truly loved me at one point. That he at one point, truly believed that I was "it", despite life altering our courses. He even promised that we'd save our virginity till marriage because he loved me enough to wait. He said it'd be the ultimate wedding gift. I know, so much cheese.

It's just hard to believe that nowadays. 

He knew a girl that went to high school with him that was close to my ethnicity and was into video games as well. I knew he thought she was "a cool chick" for a long time. He never once brought her up with me because dear lord, we all know how awkward would that be to talk to a girl you're into about another girl you're into, especially when she's sort of like the bigger breasted version of the first one. 

So he did what all of them do and dropped off the face of the earth and started going out with her. Told me that he lost his virginity a few months later, just as a zinger.

Thanks for that. 

Later on years later he told me, "I'm glad that we're still friends. You were the perfect preparation for my relationship."

Damon also told me the same thing when he started going out with his current wife (the half Filipina). "We're just placeholders until something better comes along."

I was Josh's best friend until he met his new gf, Chinese Filipina lawyer chick in the gaming industry. Then we literally haven't talked for years. Years. He was smart enough to not tell me that I was a placeholder though, despite the reality.

Frank used me as placeholder until he was ready to come out. Literally super lead me on - introduced me to his parents, the whole 9 yards. Didn't even tell me he was gay until I was in too deep. 

Fuck my life, seriously. No fuck guys. They're assholes. I'm not a fucking placeholder, I'm fucking awesome. If you can't be friends with me after finding someone else, if I'm just casted aside like a used tampon because I'm taken, or you've found someone better, dear lord get the fuck out of my life.

Some of my friends tease me about the aggro in my life and how I couldn't possibly know what real rejection is like. Are you fucking insane? You don't know what rejection is like. My life has been a constant rejection cycle. I just have gotten so used to it, I believe that it's just what I deserve or get. That I'm broken and it's better than nothing. 

Ok, phew, so that's my schpeel. 

I'm so sick today, lol. I thought it was getting better yesterday, but I'm so sick I can't get out of bed. My head is full of phlegm and grossness.

Hopefully it'll pass soon because I need to get better for next week. I'm flying solo down to SoCal for thanksgiving because my kuya wants me to be there when he proposes to his longtime gf. I can't wait. I'll be visiting with some no moo friends and hopefully justin can come up to catch a movie with us. <3

He's conflicted right now because he feels like he's in the middle. I deleted him off of battle.net in the attempts to not be so bothersome or annoying. That only pissed him off more so I readded him. I just don't know what to do anymore. I don't want to lose my friendship with justin. He's been my friend forever. I also don't want to put him in anymore uncomfortable situations. I'm sorry fufeface. I told you, I'm awful.

Well this is where I'm at. Sick and in hiding. I wrote a goodbye letter to Andy in WoW just as a kind gesture. I have no intention of talking to him again. The fear of being manipulated or taken advantage of is too great. I don't know what to believe anymore and frankly it doesn't matter. I'm not sorry (for fucking once in my life). I want to believe that nothing was intended to be malicious, and that he'd never want to hurt me, but I can't. 

They all knew what they were getting into, so forgive me for the lack of sympathy.

I'm gonna go hate guys for a while now lol and do my best to live freely for a while. See how that goes for me.

Xo

eM

less than three

So sick lol

Good afternooooooon! My cold has evolved to a lung infection. I'm sooooo tired and phlegmy.

On another note, after talking to Justin today, I've completely deleted Andy from my life. Lol yes, I'm done. I hope you enjoy the rest of your life. Promises can be broken. What's the fucked up part is that the promise was probably a lie to begin with. Dear lord. 

I hate liars, they break my heart.

Xo

eM

Loish

Loish, I love her.

http://loish.deviantart.com/art/remake-454331265

She painted a digital painting recently that I can identify with lol so well.

It's like it was meant for me or something! Hahahahaha ;) I wish I had red eyes. <3 they'd look gorgeous!

Hey, I thought I got over this....

Hey! I thought I had already gotten over a cold, wtf man! This lingering cold will just not quit. Just feeling pretty awful today.

It's this feeling of cold where you just can't get warm despite the amount of blankets you put on or heater you're blasting. GUHH. I took my cold fx today as well as a neocitran (theraflu), because I literally can't fucking breathe, lol.

On another random note, I played WoW for a millisecond today, lol. Yeah, it was okay. They did a great job, don't get me wrong. There are many improvements in the game and lots (I MEAN LOTS) of nostalgia. I seriously get all schnerg-like when I zone into 'Shadowmoon Valley'. It's the little things, lol. I just haven't really gotten too attached to the game as much as I thought I would've.

What makes D3 more worth it (for me at least)? Because I don't have time in my life for a 'time dump'. I need the ability to do a 15min grift and that's it sometimes. I need to be able to solo and do my own thing without needing to party for instances if I want better gear. I need a light - but hardcore game. WoW is too fucking labor intensive. Seriously, if you want to do anything well in that game, prepared to either spend forever (or a decade) to progress well, or prepare to gouge your eyes out from grinding shit. It's the nature of an MMO. I don't hate it - trust me, I truly don't. I just don't have the patience for it anymore.

I enjoy playing with my friends too much to prioritize random bullshit quests that take up my time. I mean seriously, in the scope of my life - those quests (no offense) waste my time. I'd rather be laughing with my friends doing a mundane grift. I know it's not like that for everyone - that's just me. I'm not hating, I just know better now. Life is too short to spend without laughter. I just notice the more I solo shit in WoW, the less patient with people I become. I dunno, it comes with the territory I guess. I just fucking hate who I become when I play that shit for too long.

Playing d3 forces me to either have short spurts of hard gaming, or long plays laughing with friends. Either way, my heart is considerably lighter when i'm gaming with friends there.

- - -

On another note, Christopher and I had the biggest fight we've had in a few months last night. I dunno what the fuck is going on with him, but we finished up the mortgage situation - he was doing pretty well up until that point and what do you think happened? When things go good for him, that's when shit has to start going downhill. I will never fucking understand that shit. It drives me insane. Like literally, I feel like I'm going crazy, because he transitions behind 'the wall' or in 'the pit' so easily that I must be crazy because I don't see how the fuck he got in there to begin with. His cycle is all about rejection and neglect. He's just completely dismissive and is an asshole. The world revolves around him and he's impatient and cold to everyone. Apologizes all the time for his behavior, but does absolutely nothing to correct it. YELLS. Yes, he yells, demands, criticizes, etc. then apologizes again, then does the whole thing over again.

What do I do? I don't take it well, obviously. Who would? What sane person (fuck, sane or NOT) could continue to live without love and interact with someone who is regularly ungentle and unkind without any repercussions? I fucking have no idea how to do this anymore.

Our therapist says we're going the right direction. Obviously, away from wanting to hang myself would be a good direction. I just can't foresee this improving until he gets his childhood trauma ptsd stuff out of the way first. He has major control issues. No seriously. He has this super ptsd trauma of never being allowed to make his own mistakes without being in trouble or something. Never being able to choose what to do on his own. I don't really know what his specific trauma is (he explains to robin that there are quite a few things that it could be from so he can't pinpoint which trauma). Anyway, because of these trauma ptsd things that continue to cause him to fight or flight, absolutely anything I do can trigger this behavior. I not ONLY cannot make him happy, I basically run the risk of consistently triggering this awful behavior by just EXISTING - just because it is from TRAUMA.

FUCK MY LIFE.

So what's my role in this entire fucking cycle? MY JOB, is literally to "tolerate" his behavior better, i.e. be more understanding to his behavior. Someone is spanking my child, or locking her in her room in the dark, yelling at her to 'shut up' and I go upstairs upset. WHAT THE FUCK am I supposed to say? You think I'm going to just have a smile and hold him until he calms down? What the fuck!?! This is fucking ridiculous. I fucking stormed upstairs today and ran into Izzy's room, turned on the light and held her until she stopped hyperventilating. Confronted her father who was blaming everything on the 4 year old.

M: "WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?"
C: "She threw the leap pad."
M: "I don't give a flying fuck if she threw the DOG. It is never okay to hit her that hard 3 times, drag her to her room (with her screaming bloody murder), and lock her in there in the dark."
C: "Yeah you wouldn't be pissed of if she did that with you around?!"
M: "OF COURSE I WOULD BE PISSED. She also doesn't do that shit around me because we don't get to the point of boredom where she'd be fucking wanting to chuck things."
C: "Are you saying that I need to do everything. That you can do whatever the fuck you feel like doing and I need to do everything else."
M: "I'm fucking SICK. YES. FUCKING GROW UP AND HANDLE IT."

I heard the hits from the office downstairs. The screams were awful. Like seriously, this shit has got to stop.

Sometimes he assumes peoples' personalities or aspects of it. I don't now how, I don't know why, all I know is that he does it. This week, he's Gord. Not the loving grandpa Gord, but the distant, incapable of showing love and gentleness, so anxious he's just shy of having a panic attack, judgmental and overly critical - yet passive aggressive so he can't actually say what he's upset about guy. Like, we had sex, to make him feel more 'in control' literally - because he basically felt like he had no control over anything. I don't fucking understand how that happens. How the whole assuming personalities thing comes into play. It fucking freaks me out - because it's like i'm married to some fucking completely different person. No seriously, on the scariness scale - it's fucking scary as hell. My husband wouldn't normally hurt my daughter - to the point where we have to work on him not enabling her. This week, he justifies hurting her by saying that he used his left hand instead of his right hand.

Like seriously? Give me a fucking break.

I feel like an awful person for having A COLD. Because I'm sluggish and tired. Because I'm coughing a lot and using my fucking inhaler. I'm not even allowed to fucking be SICK without any repercussions.

If i take a break or take time to myself, HE HAS to take time also. AT THE SAME TIME, mind you. There is no concept in his (I want to add curse words here but I'm refraining) brain, of looking after his wife and kids, especially if his wife is under the weather. I don't have a husband that takes care of me. He can hardly take care of himself. WHY DID I MARRY HIM? WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME?

NOW, I can't even take it back even if I wanted to.

It's never going to end.

I get to a place in my heart where it feels so hopeless that my whole body feels empty.


My heart is broken. I think it's going to stay that way for a really long time. I thought things were going well. They'll never go well. My kids will grow up with so many problems because I married THIS man. I've never met a more complicated person in my life. What's the most fucked up part is that he's not actually complicated at all - he just MAKES things complicated because that's easier to deal with for him. The stress of a complicated life, is comforting. I will never understand and it breaks my heart that my children will learn this behavior as a normal behavior.

I wish I could've married Kit Harington. I wish he could've fucking swept me off my feet and taken me to England where my children could've grown up with English accents and had afternoon tea and crumpets. Oh to dream. I would have rocked his world, just sayin'! lol

God it feels good to vent. I was apprehensive of going back upstairs before venting because I KNOW we would get into some bullshit argument because he wasn't fully present and only comprehended half of what the fuck I was actually saying. Criticizing how I said it, tonality, or the symantics.

Like yesterday, he was blasting Eminem on his headset. I couldn't tell if he could hear me well or not. He died 45 times doing a rift, so I was telling him how to beat it. I started raising my voice a little because his music was fucking blasting. He managed to criticize me on not only the words I used - but the fact that I was helping him at all to begin with. Then he proceeded to say that he didn't need my fucking help and that he didn't care what my friends thought of him (after they had so kindly invited him to play with us).

What an idiot. Seriously, you make yourself look like such a douche. No, I take that back. You ARE a douche. You're a self absorbed asshole that can't fucking be empathetic to save your life. You will forever be lonely and NO one will like you because of HOW you behave and HOW you treat people (nevertheless how you treat your wife and children). He's like, I never asked you to help me.

I didn't know that telling you how to beat the level - was an insult. Considering you died fucking 45 times, started hitting the table (smashing his fists on the table in frustration), and started yelling profanities while I was on skype with 3 other people. Like seriously, DO YOU ever STOP and look at yourself? What are you, 5 and having a tantrum? Because I decide to help you (because to be honest, it's bloody fucking embarrassing to be married to someone who does that shit, let alone have my 3 good friends hear you freak out), I'm going to be the lightning rod of hate - because I'm doing a kind gesture.

GO fuck yourself, you ungrateful fucking spoiled brat of a child.

I can't fucking do anything right, LMAO.
Seriously.
Seriously.

xo
eM