There seriously aren't enough hours in the day.
It's hard being a rockstar mom, it truly is. It's not hard because it sucks or anything, it's hard because to be awesome requires no breaks!! Hahahaha. I literally didn't even have time to take a shit in peace hahahaha.
I had to take a shit seriously in between the front door drying and washing paintbrushes while izzy guarded the door and Kesler played on the iPad (in the bathroom mind you) while I pooped. There is no such thing as privacy!
Either way private or not, the kids were happy, having fun, and loved. Reminds me what my purpose is here. My purpose is their mother, first and foremost, then the wife of their daddy. I'm doing everything and anything I can to make their lives full of light and love. Like seriously, you think you've seen sunshine? You haven't seen sunshine till you've seen the shine I give my children.
They literally get God's grace and his love channeled through me. No seriously, as spiritual and hokey as that may sound, there is nothing that compares to the light and love in my soul for my children.
Don't ruin it for me, seriously. Don't ruin it for them. They deserve all my sunshine and rainbows. <3
Kesler was playing with santas balls lmao!!! ;)
On another note, I'm having a super ugly week. No seriously, I'm not really wearing makeup and I've been busy with the kids and stuff so my hair is greasy and I look like butts. There is such a dramatic difference that it literally makes me qq!
Ready for bed with my acne cream all over my chin and my greasy hair. At least I'm not hairy and I smell nice, Jesus.
That's what happens when I put a little bit of makeup on and do my hair. It's pretty dramatically different. I'm getting to the age where makeup isn't as much a choice, it's a necessity, lmao!
I dunno, I've also gained 6lbs. I know it's equivalent to someone taking a shit and taking their jeans off, but 6lbs is a lot if you're tiny like me. I seriously feel whale like. Moo.
I can't help it if I know what I like and I love them carbs, Jesus criminy!!! I could seriously be satisfied with pizza Pringles, hot Cheetos, nachos (oh dear lord I love nacho cheese but it doooon't love me), pizza, spags (or most freakin pastas), breads, rice, noodles, ice cream and the carb list continues. Can't stop when things are so yummy. I'm just glad I don't love peanut butter cause mama makes a mean homemade Reese's peanut butter cup.
I'm in such a weird mood today. Actually no I'm apprehensive and tentative because Chris is being weird. What's new? Lol well I've been struggling with acceptance lately. The eggshells have been more glass-like than usual. He's trying, but let's be real. I'm waiting for him to reach his 40% quota before it all ends and shit hits the fan.
Call me callous, but how can I be any other way. I am no saint.
We'll see. I hope he keeps it together. My gut says he won't lol, but my hopes are otherwise. Let's see if he is as predictable as he's been for the past 6 years.
God Kesler is still awake. What a jerk. He slept a bit later today because I had to finish up the door so he's struggling to go to bed. Kill me now lol. This is where I'd look to my husband to comfort me and tell me that I look amazing despite my insecurities and that I'm a fucking rockstar. This is where I normally end up comforting him for being pissed off at me for being upset to begin with. Yes me comforting him for me being upset. That's the life of a person married to someone with bpd. Yay me! He has been better lately though, so I'm hoping he hasn't reached the 40% mark otherwise I'm fucked.
Tbh I think he reached it today. Lol it didn't take long at all. He literally switches personalities and absorbs someone else's. He starts sounding like them, etc. so weird.
Ah now I get to comfort my child because he needs extra mamalove!
Gg
xo
eM
