My mother in law, Kathy started up a new blog that states 3 good things a day. I thought it was a great idea considering I don't get a chance to post very often anymore.
I'm giving it a shot:
Mine are three letters I learned today: S, E, & T. These are letters that aid in confronting a person (for whatever reason) who usually gets easily hurt or offended.
S (Support)
"If you need comforting - I'm there."
* Indicating support. Sentence starts with him. Not a want from us. Just offer.
E (Empathy)
"You find it hard to respond and are keeping silent right now."
or
"Maybe you are upset at me and maybe you are upset about something else."
* This entices him to comfortably disclose more.
T (Truth)
"I'm currently feeling a little lost without feedback."
* Some self disclosure. This comes last so to prevent overwhelming the person you're talking to.
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Confrontation in this form seems to 'ease' a hard topic onto an overly emotional person as oppose to just ramming it up their you know what.
The phrases aren't used word for word - it's more of the letters in order that 'help' the situation.
These are what not to do (apparently):
So you know he is upset. So let's look at the message you are thinking here. How does it start:
I love you. - invalidating
I understand - patronizing thus invalidating
that you may be upset - minimizing thus invalidating
at me, - unnecessary speculation and taking blame
and I am very sorry that you feel that way. - you are in pain because of him - blaming him - invalidating
Thus the goal is - basically to almost be as basic and blunt as you can...but just to do it in a specific order.
1) Being supportive. "Hey, I'm here for you when you're ready."
2) Empathetic. "It sure isn't easy to lose 2 jobs and get back out there everyday. I'm sure proud of you."
3) Then comes the truth (dun dun duuun). "I'm having some trouble following your emotional path. What can I do to help?"
I think it's lovely. I just hope it helps. I'm going to give it a go tonight and see. :)
Anyway, they're 3 wonderful letters that sure made our day easier. :)
