My 3 lovely things for today:
1) Is much more of a relvelation. It's working so far (the 3 letters from last post.). I'm in need of some practice, that's for freakin' sure.
2) Butterfly Kisses by Bob Carlisle
3) My wonderful family, but especially - my wonderful husband & daughter. Sometimes I have to pinch myself to remind myself that it's real. :)
kupo
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Saturday, January 22, 2011
3 Good Things...
My mother in law, Kathy started up a new blog that states 3 good things a day. I thought it was a great idea considering I don't get a chance to post very often anymore.
I'm giving it a shot:
Mine are three letters I learned today: S, E, & T. These are letters that aid in confronting a person (for whatever reason) who usually gets easily hurt or offended.
S (Support)
"If you need comforting - I'm there."
* Indicating support. Sentence starts with him. Not a want from us. Just offer.
E (Empathy)
"You find it hard to respond and are keeping silent right now."
or
"Maybe you are upset at me and maybe you are upset about something else."
* This entices him to comfortably disclose more.
T (Truth)
"I'm currently feeling a little lost without feedback."
* Some self disclosure. This comes last so to prevent overwhelming the person you're talking to.
---
Confrontation in this form seems to 'ease' a hard topic onto an overly emotional person as oppose to just ramming it up their you know what.
The phrases aren't used word for word - it's more of the letters in order that 'help' the situation.
These are what not to do (apparently):
So you know he is upset. So let's look at the message you are thinking here. How does it start:
I love you. - invalidating
I understand - patronizing thus invalidating
that you may be upset - minimizing thus invalidating
at me, - unnecessary speculation and taking blame
and I am very sorry that you feel that way. - you are in pain because of him - blaming him - invalidating
Thus the goal is - basically to almost be as basic and blunt as you can...but just to do it in a specific order.
1) Being supportive. "Hey, I'm here for you when you're ready."
2) Empathetic. "It sure isn't easy to lose 2 jobs and get back out there everyday. I'm sure proud of you."
3) Then comes the truth (dun dun duuun). "I'm having some trouble following your emotional path. What can I do to help?"
I think it's lovely. I just hope it helps. I'm going to give it a go tonight and see. :)
Anyway, they're 3 wonderful letters that sure made our day easier. :)
I'm giving it a shot:
Mine are three letters I learned today: S, E, & T. These are letters that aid in confronting a person (for whatever reason) who usually gets easily hurt or offended.
S (Support)
"If you need comforting - I'm there."
* Indicating support. Sentence starts with him. Not a want from us. Just offer.
E (Empathy)
"You find it hard to respond and are keeping silent right now."
or
"Maybe you are upset at me and maybe you are upset about something else."
* This entices him to comfortably disclose more.
T (Truth)
"I'm currently feeling a little lost without feedback."
* Some self disclosure. This comes last so to prevent overwhelming the person you're talking to.
---
Confrontation in this form seems to 'ease' a hard topic onto an overly emotional person as oppose to just ramming it up their you know what.
The phrases aren't used word for word - it's more of the letters in order that 'help' the situation.
These are what not to do (apparently):
So you know he is upset. So let's look at the message you are thinking here. How does it start:
I love you. - invalidating
I understand - patronizing thus invalidating
that you may be upset - minimizing thus invalidating
at me, - unnecessary speculation and taking blame
and I am very sorry that you feel that way. - you are in pain because of him - blaming him - invalidating
Thus the goal is - basically to almost be as basic and blunt as you can...but just to do it in a specific order.
1) Being supportive. "Hey, I'm here for you when you're ready."
2) Empathetic. "It sure isn't easy to lose 2 jobs and get back out there everyday. I'm sure proud of you."
3) Then comes the truth (dun dun duuun). "I'm having some trouble following your emotional path. What can I do to help?"
I think it's lovely. I just hope it helps. I'm going to give it a go tonight and see. :)
Anyway, they're 3 wonderful letters that sure made our day easier. :)
Monday, January 10, 2011
Sometimes you stumble across a few chords that put you in a reflective place...
"Sometimes you stumble across a few chords that put you in a reflective place." -David Bowie
Things aren't always planned. Some things just 'happen'; Bad or good. We just have to figure out what to do with that knowledge once we have it.
- - - - - -
Used the white-board with the hubby today and it went unbelievably well.
So how it works is that the orange are his top 5 problems and the lime green are my top 5.
The bottom area is what we can do for the other to help fix or at least alleviate the problem.
It was based off of the idea of affirm, accept, criticize, control; where the spouse has listed things they obviously need help with and what can we do to make it better?
Anyway, we're giving it a shot. Things always work themselves out and I'm sure we'll succeed. :)
Things aren't always planned. Some things just 'happen'; Bad or good. We just have to figure out what to do with that knowledge once we have it.
- - - - - -
Used the white-board with the hubby today and it went unbelievably well.
So how it works is that the orange are his top 5 problems and the lime green are my top 5.
The bottom area is what we can do for the other to help fix or at least alleviate the problem.
It was based off of the idea of affirm, accept, criticize, control; where the spouse has listed things they obviously need help with and what can we do to make it better?
Anyway, we're giving it a shot. Things always work themselves out and I'm sure we'll succeed. :)
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Feelin' Organized
Being a Mom is very similar to being a project manager, really. You've got a fuck ton of shit to monitor and 5 million ways to 'drop the ball'.
Christopher has been in charge of the finances since I've moved up here. I wanted him to give it a shot. Anyway, he's done a great job with everything despite not having the experience. It's time that I took over and started really saving us some bucks.
I'm not great at it, but I'm fucking dedicated, lol. Hopefully that dedication will help us out.
- - -
I've got a huge list of to-do's crossed off for today. Literally, probably about 60 tasks all hammered out including sharpening our little kindling axe and taping its neck. It's a blessing that Isabelle has started taking naps in the afternoon. I'm so sick of the house being in utter shambles. It fucking drives me nuts.
Christopher is a really hard worker...at work, but he's just not at the point yet in life where he remembers to prioritize daily tasks.
This is where the whole Do: Accept, Affirm, Do not: Criticize, Control plays a huge role.
I have to remind myself that he's gone a long way and he's just 24.
- - -
It's disheartening sometimes when you've done a million tasks in a day and yet tomorrow, a million tasks (although many different, many are the same) will still be there. The difference being a project manager vs. a Mom is that once those tasks are done, the project is usually done. Being a Mom is a never ending project.
"Get back up on that freakin' horse and ride!"
Honestly though, despite what everyone says - I'm vouching for women being the backbone of their families. Seriously, without Moms what would families do? Not a whole lot (properly) at least. Who would provide dinners to look forward to, clean pressed sheets or ironed clothes, desserts & special treats, affection, soothing and nurturing? Not that all men aren't capable of it - but women just seem to be inherently better at it.
AFFIRM & ACCEPT NOT CRITICIZE & CONTROL, lol. I had to remind myself.
SHEESH!
Christopher has been in charge of the finances since I've moved up here. I wanted him to give it a shot. Anyway, he's done a great job with everything despite not having the experience. It's time that I took over and started really saving us some bucks.
I'm not great at it, but I'm fucking dedicated, lol. Hopefully that dedication will help us out.
- - -
I've got a huge list of to-do's crossed off for today. Literally, probably about 60 tasks all hammered out including sharpening our little kindling axe and taping its neck. It's a blessing that Isabelle has started taking naps in the afternoon. I'm so sick of the house being in utter shambles. It fucking drives me nuts.
Christopher is a really hard worker...at work, but he's just not at the point yet in life where he remembers to prioritize daily tasks.
This is where the whole Do: Accept, Affirm, Do not: Criticize, Control plays a huge role.
I have to remind myself that he's gone a long way and he's just 24.
- - -
It's disheartening sometimes when you've done a million tasks in a day and yet tomorrow, a million tasks (although many different, many are the same) will still be there. The difference being a project manager vs. a Mom is that once those tasks are done, the project is usually done. Being a Mom is a never ending project.
"Get back up on that freakin' horse and ride!"
Honestly though, despite what everyone says - I'm vouching for women being the backbone of their families. Seriously, without Moms what would families do? Not a whole lot (properly) at least. Who would provide dinners to look forward to, clean pressed sheets or ironed clothes, desserts & special treats, affection, soothing and nurturing? Not that all men aren't capable of it - but women just seem to be inherently better at it.
AFFIRM & ACCEPT NOT CRITICIZE & CONTROL, lol. I had to remind myself.
SHEESH!
Trials and Tribulations...
As the ball starts slowly rolling forward, we get another KAPOWWIE in the gut...
Christopher lost both his jobs within a span of a week. He's going through a tough time and I'm doing my best to be loving. It's hard not to be 'cold & calculated' when it's a time where logic has to prevail.
He wants some affection and I want to find him a job (thus bringing the unintentional cold shoulder with me).
correction...
He needs a hug and I need to follow through on some strategies.
- - -
OK So weird stuff happened last night.
In lieu of this whole losing job thing, Christopher, Isabelle, and I all went to Chris' Rites of Christian Initiation Class (his bible study) and tried to at least remind ourselves to have 'faith' that things would work out.
Anyway, yesterday's word of the day was Grace.
This was the topic in his Bible study. They glazed over the entirety of what is or constitutes 'Grace'. Many people are newbie Christians (doing this to receive a sacrament of Baptism or convert) and most of them really don't know what Grace is. Anyway, after the entire hour and a half of discussing this; Trying to interpret it in a myriad of ways to attempt for the large group to comprehend, Christopher still just didn't get the concept.
After the class was ended, we visited Russ & Kathy (Christopher's Mom & +Dad). They had ran an errand for us today (picking up some Enfamil for Isabelle) and we went to visit them. We had a nice visit and broke the news about losing the job and such.
Kathy asked me if I was doing ok. The funny thing is, I think I'm supposed to be feeling worse than what I'm feeling, haha. I'm really not feeling 'bad' over anything. I'm excited. We have a new start. I have faith that we'll find something that will work with our family.
Throughout the day, I had many instances of being aware of God's grace (if that makes any sense). There were times where I just wanted to break down and be upset, but there was always a little part of me that just said, 'Let go. It's not your burden to bear'. Anyway, I would listen, and 'let go' each time and things would just work out.
For example, in order to Catch the ferry in time, Christopher needed to get home on time. The Gathering Place was closed already and he didn't have his phone on him (for some reason). I couldn't get a hold of him. I thought to myself, 'WELL SHIT, we're going to miss the ferry and have to...blah blah blah blah blah, complain, complain, complain.' Anyway a warm feeling in my heart just had the urge to let go and just not worry. Christopher came home immediately after I let go and told me the news about losing his job. Since I was all zenlike just prior to him returning, it made it easier to be his rock; To be the strong one in his moment of confusion.
Anyway, back to Nanaimo. He stayed pretty quiet about his trouble understanding the lesson at RCIA today until we started driving home towards the Gabriola ferry. He started opening up and said, "Honestly, I thought I knew what Grace was, but if I had to explain it to someone I don't think I could." then he proceeded to ask me what Grace meant to me.
To me, Grace is this divine connection to God. It's a choice and not forced upon. We can either choose to receive, create, strengthen this connection to God through faith, prayer, worship, etc... or we could also deny his existence.
In WoW terms, Grace would be like a Warlock's Soul-Link with their pet. It doesn't really do much in regular gameplay, but it boosts the Warlock's spirit when needed (lol, that totally is true and a weird coincidence).
He totally understood it after that, lol.
THEN, we got home...
We read right before bed and I'm reading this book of Devotionals. The first page that I started reading (where I left off from last night) had a paragraph, "What your heart craves, deep down? I think it's grace- the assurance that no matter what happens, God is with you, working everything together for good as Romans 8:28 promises. When trials hit, that's the time to search for lost treasure. Finding grace in a trial is like smothering bitter fruit with a teaspoon of honey, transforming it into something you can swallow. What lingers is the sweetness of grace."
and followed by:
"I paid the bills today. It's not something I enjoy doing, but lately I am realizing this obligation is laden with gifts. To start with, I am thankful for the gift of having enough money in the bank to cover all the checks. Gene, who earns on commissions, and I, in freelance writing, have incomes that are unpredictable. But this way of living is rich with opportunities to trust God.
When there is a need, we lay it before the Lord. If the need is legitimate, inevitably the resources will be supplied. If not, we let it go. Paying bills means acknowledging the provision of God. When I pay the mortgage, I thank God for our home. Electric and Gas bills represent warmth, light, and hot meals. Phone bills mean we have friends, family, work, and a fulfilling church life."
WHAT are the odds? What are the odds that the first thing that I read right before bed is basically our current situation (ALL OF IT), and that it reassures me that everything is going to be ok? See it's situations like these where I don't really have a choice to dis-believe. There are certain things in life that just aren't coincidence; certain things that are predetermined and show that he exists.
Christopher lost both his jobs within a span of a week. He's going through a tough time and I'm doing my best to be loving. It's hard not to be 'cold & calculated' when it's a time where logic has to prevail.
correction...
He needs a hug and I need to follow through on some strategies.
- - -
OK So weird stuff happened last night.
In lieu of this whole losing job thing, Christopher, Isabelle, and I all went to Chris' Rites of Christian Initiation Class (his bible study) and tried to at least remind ourselves to have 'faith' that things would work out.
Anyway, yesterday's word of the day was Grace.
This was the topic in his Bible study. They glazed over the entirety of what is or constitutes 'Grace'. Many people are newbie Christians (doing this to receive a sacrament of Baptism or convert) and most of them really don't know what Grace is. Anyway, after the entire hour and a half of discussing this; Trying to interpret it in a myriad of ways to attempt for the large group to comprehend, Christopher still just didn't get the concept.
After the class was ended, we visited Russ & Kathy (Christopher's Mom & +Dad). They had ran an errand for us today (picking up some Enfamil for Isabelle) and we went to visit them. We had a nice visit and broke the news about losing the job and such.
Kathy asked me if I was doing ok. The funny thing is, I think I'm supposed to be feeling worse than what I'm feeling, haha. I'm really not feeling 'bad' over anything. I'm excited. We have a new start. I have faith that we'll find something that will work with our family.
Throughout the day, I had many instances of being aware of God's grace (if that makes any sense). There were times where I just wanted to break down and be upset, but there was always a little part of me that just said, 'Let go. It's not your burden to bear'. Anyway, I would listen, and 'let go' each time and things would just work out.
For example, in order to Catch the ferry in time, Christopher needed to get home on time. The Gathering Place was closed already and he didn't have his phone on him (for some reason). I couldn't get a hold of him. I thought to myself, 'WELL SHIT, we're going to miss the ferry and have to...blah blah blah blah blah, complain, complain, complain.' Anyway a warm feeling in my heart just had the urge to let go and just not worry. Christopher came home immediately after I let go and told me the news about losing his job. Since I was all zenlike just prior to him returning, it made it easier to be his rock; To be the strong one in his moment of confusion.
Anyway, back to Nanaimo. He stayed pretty quiet about his trouble understanding the lesson at RCIA today until we started driving home towards the Gabriola ferry. He started opening up and said, "Honestly, I thought I knew what Grace was, but if I had to explain it to someone I don't think I could." then he proceeded to ask me what Grace meant to me.
To me, Grace is this divine connection to God. It's a choice and not forced upon. We can either choose to receive, create, strengthen this connection to God through faith, prayer, worship, etc... or we could also deny his existence.
In WoW terms, Grace would be like a Warlock's Soul-Link with their pet. It doesn't really do much in regular gameplay, but it boosts the Warlock's spirit when needed (lol, that totally is true and a weird coincidence).
He totally understood it after that, lol.
THEN, we got home...
We read right before bed and I'm reading this book of Devotionals. The first page that I started reading (where I left off from last night) had a paragraph, "What your heart craves, deep down? I think it's grace- the assurance that no matter what happens, God is with you, working everything together for good as Romans 8:28 promises. When trials hit, that's the time to search for lost treasure. Finding grace in a trial is like smothering bitter fruit with a teaspoon of honey, transforming it into something you can swallow. What lingers is the sweetness of grace."
and followed by:
"I paid the bills today. It's not something I enjoy doing, but lately I am realizing this obligation is laden with gifts. To start with, I am thankful for the gift of having enough money in the bank to cover all the checks. Gene, who earns on commissions, and I, in freelance writing, have incomes that are unpredictable. But this way of living is rich with opportunities to trust God.
When there is a need, we lay it before the Lord. If the need is legitimate, inevitably the resources will be supplied. If not, we let it go. Paying bills means acknowledging the provision of God. When I pay the mortgage, I thank God for our home. Electric and Gas bills represent warmth, light, and hot meals. Phone bills mean we have friends, family, work, and a fulfilling church life."
WHAT are the odds? What are the odds that the first thing that I read right before bed is basically our current situation (ALL OF IT), and that it reassures me that everything is going to be ok? See it's situations like these where I don't really have a choice to dis-believe. There are certain things in life that just aren't coincidence; certain things that are predetermined and show that he exists.
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Starting the new year off with some word therapy...
Now Playing: Baby Einstein's Baby's First Moves
Isabelle loves it.
The weather is looking quite dreary. Apparently it's going to rain for the next week at around 0°C the entire week. Hey Mr. Frost, if you're going to get that cold...for fucks' sake, you might as well snow.
This year (like every year), Christopher and I made our resolutions on New Year's Eve. His was to be a 'better' husband and to lose 50lbs by the end of the year. Mine was to practice 'Affirm, Accept, Criticize, & Control'. Yes, the quote actually came from this Christian book of Devotionals that I got from my mother in law for Christmas. I guess the idea/directions of that quote are basically to Affirm; to listen without judgement and to support or find the good in what your spouse is trying to accomplish, and to Accept. We all know how hard it is to accept ANYTHING our spouses do sometimes. I mean, we're women. Typically, 5 million things could be going wrong at the same time and we still can manage to feed the baby, stoke up the fire, answer the phones, and follow what's going on between Derek and Meredith on the TV. We just know that guys don't work that way and it's hard not to enable them to 'do better' or 'do what's right'.
And honestly, what is right? Nowadays, I'd be damned if I knew. Like we're able to discern if we're 'right' and they couldn't be (or something).
I guess that segways the next two: Criticize and Control. These are things that both Men and Women (believe it or not) both are at fault doing. Women just seem to have a tendency to abuse 'the privilege'. There is a fine line between constructive criticism and controlling by manipulation and plain criticism. The main difference seems to be the subjective implication of negativity. Most people aren't able to discern the two very easily causing arguments, emotionally hurting someone, etc.
Anyway, my current solution is to, screw the whole criticizing: positive AND negative. I pretty much just avoid the chance of a negative confrontation just tell the truth. This is what's bothering me. 'I'm upset that the wood chips have been collecting in front of the wood stove because Isabelle goes around in her walker with bare feet. I don't want her to be hurt.' Even though I know it's because HE wears his GOD DAMN shoes in the EFFING house - he doesn't need to hear that. I'm sure he knows that already and just bringing up this idea probably makes him feel bad. Reducing the amount of redundancy just to make someone feel bad about it seems to make the situation a bit lighter.
I'm not a rocket scientist...I'm just a Mom.
Anyway, the baby is a stirrin', so hopefully I'll be able to finish my thought process later. Until then, Ciao. :)
Isabelle loves it.
The weather is looking quite dreary. Apparently it's going to rain for the next week at around 0°C the entire week. Hey Mr. Frost, if you're going to get that cold...for fucks' sake, you might as well snow.
This year (like every year), Christopher and I made our resolutions on New Year's Eve. His was to be a 'better' husband and to lose 50lbs by the end of the year. Mine was to practice 'Affirm, Accept, Criticize, & Control'. Yes, the quote actually came from this Christian book of Devotionals that I got from my mother in law for Christmas. I guess the idea/directions of that quote are basically to Affirm; to listen without judgement and to support or find the good in what your spouse is trying to accomplish, and to Accept. We all know how hard it is to accept ANYTHING our spouses do sometimes. I mean, we're women. Typically, 5 million things could be going wrong at the same time and we still can manage to feed the baby, stoke up the fire, answer the phones, and follow what's going on between Derek and Meredith on the TV. We just know that guys don't work that way and it's hard not to enable them to 'do better' or 'do what's right'.
And honestly, what is right? Nowadays, I'd be damned if I knew. Like we're able to discern if we're 'right' and they couldn't be (or something).
I guess that segways the next two: Criticize and Control. These are things that both Men and Women (believe it or not) both are at fault doing. Women just seem to have a tendency to abuse 'the privilege'. There is a fine line between constructive criticism and controlling by manipulation and plain criticism. The main difference seems to be the subjective implication of negativity. Most people aren't able to discern the two very easily causing arguments, emotionally hurting someone, etc.
Anyway, my current solution is to, screw the whole criticizing: positive AND negative. I pretty much just avoid the chance of a negative confrontation just tell the truth. This is what's bothering me. 'I'm upset that the wood chips have been collecting in front of the wood stove because Isabelle goes around in her walker with bare feet. I don't want her to be hurt.' Even though I know it's because HE wears his GOD DAMN shoes in the EFFING house - he doesn't need to hear that. I'm sure he knows that already and just bringing up this idea probably makes him feel bad. Reducing the amount of redundancy just to make someone feel bad about it seems to make the situation a bit lighter.
I'm not a rocket scientist...I'm just a Mom.
Anyway, the baby is a stirrin', so hopefully I'll be able to finish my thought process later. Until then, Ciao. :)
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