Raising Wise & Mindful Adults

As new parents, Chris and I are doing our best to raise wise and mindful adults. It's a long phrase compared to the typical, "wanting to raise good kids" ideology.

It's easy to say, "I want to raise good kids." What does that mean, really? Sounds a lot like docile, 'yes ma'am', brainwashing. 

Fuck wanting to raise 'good kids', honestly. I don't want obedient, mindless, arrogant, and entitled children. 

I want to raise adults that can make well thought out decisions. I want to raise adults that can communicate their needs clearly and have a good work ethic. 

I want my children to be kind, thoughtful, loving, and appreciative.

We don't do "positive parenting".

We don't do "authoritative parenting".

We don't do "passive parenting".

Our method incorporates all aspects of these three parenting styles as well as emotional allowance. She's allowed to have tantrums. She's allowed to vent her frustration. It's our job to guide her through venting these big emotions, safely.

For example, it's completely a big NO to climb on the kitchen table. It's never a maybe or an "okay it's her birthday, we'll let it slide".

How I express it is firmly saying, "No, It's not safe to climb on the table. Please get down now."
If she doesn't get down, I move her off. This isn't a negotiation.
Once she's down, I tell her, "This really scares Mommy and can be a big owwie if you fall. I see that you want to climb right now so lets make a tower (or castle) out of the couch cushions and you can climb there, hey?"

She usually listens right quick. :)

- - -

I was raised with the Trivium philosophy. My grandmother focused on learning the common sense basics of life and my parents' philosophy was to expose me to as much opportunities as possible. 

I am in turn, doing my best to raise my children with a very similar philosophy - just at their pace. 

Isabelle and Kesler are completely at different speeds and I do my best to cater to their strengths and weaknesses. 

Many parents focus on strengths - that this is what they're good at, so keep building up these talents. 

After learning what works with our family, I find that there has to be a balance between easily accomplish-able tasks & activities (such as doing things that they're already good at) and more challenging/complex tasks that focus on building on the skills & competency where they may be lacking in. 

Practice doesn't make perfect. Nothing is perfect. Practice builds character and creates a cycle of good work ethic that every child needs. 

Thus, what works for us is that we have a routine. It's not completely set in stone and there is chances for spontaneity but I provide them with 2 major activities a day. I find that more than 2 a day can be overwhelming (for both kids & mommy) and promotes focus bouncing (at least with Isabelle). 

Our routine is basically pretty simple:

• Breakfast with Daddy
• Morning Cartoons (while mommy prepares the day or cleans up from last night)
• Snack
• 1st Activity
• Lunch
• 2nd Activity
• Snack
• Evening Cartoons (while mommy wraps up the day)
• Dinner
• Bedtime Routine

Kesler usually takes 2 naps a day the first one is between 9-Noon and the second is from 4-6. Izzy takes one nap between 4-6. 

I'm not one of those Mum's that need to abide by specific time frames. Sometimes snack time will carry over or sometimes they'll get 1 or 2 extra cartoons if I've got a lot of laundry to do. It's all a priority juggle that depends on how much fun they're having & how much work I need to do.

- - -

Izzy is 3 years old and Kesler is 1.5. They're needs are different yet we try to focus on doing the same theme for activities everyday.

For example: 

We do a lot of art: coloring (crayons, markers, window markers, paints)

Izzy does coloring books, while Kesler's paper is taped on the table and he can just go wild. Sometimes I just use huge butcher paper for both of them to go crazy on. 

We also have a huge dry erase board that I use almost on a daily basis. We use washable markers & washable crayons on it to practice letters. We also use it to finger paint on (so we have controlled chaos).

She also uses workbooks and flashcards.

There we also do quite a bit of outdoor play. I just made a water table for Izzy & Kes. Kes is kinda too little for the big water table, so I have a black sterilite bin that I fill with water halfway for him (and place it next to hers). It's black because it heats the water to a warmer temperature than hers. :)

Kes can't really participate in the peanut butter pinecone birdfeeder activity aside from eating the peanut butter and making a mess in his high chair, haha. Hey, that's all sensory exposure! :)

I'll have to elaborate more later. My two little munchkins are awake and ready to party.

Big Butts

Hahaha, my mother in law recommended that I register myself on myehealth.ca to check out my lab information any time I want.

In creating this, they ask you to create a security pass phrase. Mine is, "I like big butts and I cannot lie." My hubby has a rump that just won't quit. :) I am a very lucky girl.

- - -

Hypothyroidism, oh the bane of my existence.

In 2010, I found out that I have an autoimmune disease called Hashimoto's Disease. You get it from radiation exposure - or in my case, my grandmother had radiation exposure in the Hiroshima bombing and her eggs were exposed to the radiation. My father had no symptoms of this disease (aside from hypoglycemia, some short term memory loss (maybe), and possible slight hormonal imbalances with growth.

Apparently, Hashimoto's Disease can affect your thyroid in quite a few ways, but how it affects me is through my Progesterone levels. It really screws everything up. I develop cysts in my ovaries (causes polycystic ovarian syndrome), causes short term memory loss (messes with the recall function of my brain), hairloss (literally clumps fall out sometimes), Anemia (iron deficiency & intolerance), hypoglycemia, and more.

Luckily in the past, I've just had to take the basic Ethinyl Estradiol (orthocyclen birth control medication), to regulate my hormones. This quick fix makes it so I can have children (surprisingly enough) through having a regular ovulation cycle. We just have to stop taking it during the week of the placebo period, have a full menstrual cycle (that promotes a healthy ovulation), and then around 14 days later (or whenever my basal temperature reads high), make love & wait for the results.

My husband has freakin' awesome swimmers. I've been pregnant 7 times with him, but with 5 miscarriages (due to the lack of progesterone).

About a week or two after intercourse, I will begin the blood tests to validate the pregnancy. If we were successful, then I will automatically start hormone replacement therapy with progesterone supplementation.

After 12 weeks, we are in the clear! :)

So being Roman Catholic has to throw a wrench into our plans, hey? How ethical is this? Would the church agree with me using birth control (and for such a long time to boot)?

The difference between my situation and other peoples' is the fact that I'm not using it to prevent pregnancy. I use it to prevent unnecessary death and help sustain life. I'm not just phrasing this in a way that helps me sleep at night. With a diagnosed autoimmune disease, my body beats itself up; ridding myself of any outside intruders, such as a baby. I can become pregnant, but without proper ovulation (creation of a proper uterus lining) and progesterone supplementation, the little guys can't velcro themselves onto my womb well enough or don't develop a proper umbilical cord and suffocate.

After 6 miscarriages, knowing that my body does this to these little angels, I had to help them live.

Then Isabelle was born - completely healthy. Super complicated pregnancy (because of the hormonal treatments). I had gestational diabetes, with insulin injections 4 times a day. I was 97lbs and 5'1", when I started pregnancy. The diabetes was completely genetic, lol. I gained almost 80lbs and was close to 180 in delivery. I was diagnosed with polyhydramnious (excessive fluid in the amniotic sac), severe edema, hypertension, placental failure, & with a macrosomia baby. I was so heavy that my body could not support my new weight & my hips would pop out.

Izzy was born at 37 weeks on the dot (slightly earlier than expected) with an emergency induction, 24 hours of labor, then emergency caesarean section. She was 7lbs 6oz, my perfect sized little baby.

She had completely perfect stats and was an amazing baby.

After about 10 months, we tried for the next child but this time without the use of birth control helping ovulation. I immediately got pregnant but miscarried again.

This was the worst miscarriage that I've ever gone through - physically & mentally. Maybe it's because I had a baby already and had all this excitement, plans, & love for the new baby.

I went back on birth control and a month later, when Izzy was now 12 months, we got pregnant with Kesler.

(haha I'm totally crying as I type this. This definitely is word therapy, for sure!)

Immediately, I went on progesterone supplements and started the hormone replacement therapy. After 12 weeks, we were in the clear - and after 16 weeks, we found out that we were having a boy!! I was going to have a million dollar family. Something that I never thought would happen with my circumstances.

God is great. <3

I did have some issues with pregnancy this time around as well. I had no weight gain (hardly). I started pregnancy at 113lbs and ended at 130lbs and ALLLLLLL belly! My little man just sucked the life out of me from day one and I was diagnosed with Hyperemesis Gravidarum. I literally puked the entire pregnancy my guts out - being hospitalized once for dehydration. It was definitely a rough pregnancy!

At 35 weeks, this little impatient man (hehehe) kept bouncing his head against my cervix and wanted out! He caused major pre-labor contractions. It started at 5 minutes apart to 3 minutes apart and quite severe. Severe enough to go to the hospital and have them check. I was 2cm dilated, but not changing.

I stayed at the hospital for 5 days in Pre-Labor. Yes, that's moderately painful contractions every 3 minutes for 5 days. By the end of it, I jokingly asked the nurses to kill me, lol. Finally at 36 weeks, the saint that Dr. Benoit is, he took Kesler out.

I still carry the guilt that I wish I could have held on for 7 more days - just so Kes could've been born at 37 weeks.

Kesler was born premature at 36 weeks at 6lbs 2oz. He was about a month early so he had the typical premature baby ailments, like respiratory issues, feeding issues, & bradycardia. Kesler stayed in the Neonatal Intensive-Care Unit for 4 weeks (basically because of the bradycardia) and Christopher and I went to the hospital 3-6 times a day for feeding times and love.

This was the hardest part for me (as choke back tears). Leaving my baby at the hospital. I know I wasn't leaving him forever, but walking away from there broke my heart, every single time. I never got desensitized from leaving the hospital and would end up bawling in the car. I was so emotionally distraught during this time that I even left my husband, Isabelle, & Father in Law on Christmas Eve, to sleep at the Hospital - just so Kesler would not be alone on Christmas.

All in all, I apologize again for my wacko craziness. The mama-bear in me just was nuts over protecting my babies and I truly felt that my little man needed me.

On January 15th,  4 weeks and 3 days after he was born (actually - his original due date), he arrived home!! My Mommy was there to greet my little bundle as she was here for a month helping me with Isabelle, Kesler, & my recovery.

- - -

This is where we're at right now.


The Brown family.
Christopher, Christine Michie, Isabelle Marie, & Kesler Jacob.

....& these are my little babies...that are not so little and frail any more.

Isabelle Marie is 3 years old & Kesler Jacob is now 16 months! :)

How time flies, hey?

Revelations

I'm upset. So upset, that I'm picking up blogging again.

I think I need to do this regularly again.

So, I'm sure everyone is aware of what is going on with the Senkaku Islands.

What happened between Japan and China in the past is unforgivable. Japan did some atrocious acts and need to be held accountable for their actions. Not to mention, karma is a bitch and continues to shit on Japan anyway with natural disasters. God has a way of balancing things out.

With that said, nowadays Japan is one of the most respectful countries (with one of the most respectful people) in the world. It boggles my mind that China uses what happened 90 years ago, as propaganda to fuel the hatred against Japanese people in China (many of which use happily use Japanese products & idolize Japanese celebrities on day to day basis. It makes me puke at the level of lowness the Chinese government has gone and the fact that many of the Chinese people believe it.

The Chinese people have been under either a Communist Dictatorship or Monarchic Dictatorship since the dawn of time. There has always been someone dictating what the people know, how the people should act, and how much they should pay. I'm upset because logically, it sounds an awful lot like stockholm syndrome. Many Chinese people have a deep sense of nationalism to their country and have developed an empathetical connection with their history (or what they've been exposed to at least). So much is withheld from their history books. They even withheld the history of Tiananmen Square. Just ridiculous.

I'm typing on my blog because my sister in law is Chinese and I love her. I feel for her, my brother in law, and their future family. I also don't want to share my opinion with the world of facebook because not everyone can see, or relate to my point of view.

I'm also upset because the United States has such a foothold in Japan that I'm more concerned with the f*cking 213 billion barrels of oil that Japan is sticking their necks out for (but realistically - WHO is?).

Here, let me put my tin-foil hat on...

Japan has had rights to these lands since the 1800's. All of a sudden in 1968, China says, "Holy shit. There's tons of oil there. Lets get dangerous." At the time, they didn't want to dispute anything, because the BIG BAD UNITED STATES of UHHHMURICA was administering them. No one wanted to screw with the States.

So the waiting period begins...

SO...NOW in 2013, that they've got more leverage in their pants and nuclear warfare at the ready, with their communist buddies in NK, lets bully and scare the Japanese people into giving us that oil. Well seriously, WHO really is orchestrating this one? I mean, no disrespect to China, but I don't think Xi Jinping alone has the competence to spearhead World War 3.

Ok, lets derive the problem from this: Why is there conflict over the Senkaku Islands?
Possible answers:

1) Because there is an abundance of bonito fish that the Japanese people live off of.

WRONG.
2) Because it is a valuable asset in the culture of the Japanese & Chinese societies.

WRONG.
3) Because the Chinese government has ongoing grudges against Japan due to historical conflict.

WRONG.

- - -
The truth of the matter is that they speculate that there is roughly 213 billion barrels of crude oil around the outskirts of the island. They could give a shit less about the island itself.

In the end of the day, who wants crude oil? Consumers need it and corporations want to profit off of it. I'm no believer in anti-corporations & anti-government, but what makes no sense to me is that we (the people of the world in the 21th century), believe that we can't put a price on water because it is a natural resource. Many of us can't understand why people pay for bottled water when water from the tap is free. Many of us can't fathom why Canada is selling water to the States for next to nothing.

The bottom line is, we as a human race use natural resources in our communities. The natural resources should be shared; the expenses of transporting and sharing these natural resources should be paid for and jobs be made for. The natural resource itself should not have a price tag.

If we all continued to believe that all natural resources have price tags, then all these guys are missing the real money maker. I should start up a corporation that rations and controls air supply. Then again, someone probably has probably had this thought already with how the Ozone layer is depleting at such a rapid rate.

Stop profiting off of each other. Money doesn't buy happiness. Money buys stuff. Stuff can help make people happy, but in the end of the day, unsatisfied or unhappy people remain unhappy despite money.

Why can't people reflect on their lives and fix their underlying issues to increase happiness and satisfaction instead of bandaid it by buying stuff.

Crude oil is a fucking bandaid. It's going to eventually run out. Let the crude oil stay where it is. Live off of something else. We've got so many brilliant people in the world yet we can't a fucking solution on creating new energy. It drives me nuts.

Do you know how much energy hydrogen bomb creates? Why can't they figure out how to harness the energy, instead of use it to kill each other.

Ok. I'm going to end my rant right now. This is going nowhere and I'm just getting more upset, lol.

Humanity, lets get it together, hey?

after the storm

It has been quite a long time since I have last written.

Lol, normally It's much easier to write for me, really. I've been a member of blogger since 2001 and most of my posts have been verbal diarrhea to say the least. Nowadays though, it seems like the older I get, the harder it is to put into words my thoughts and feelings. Maybe it's an early onset of dementia, hahahahaha SHEESH!

The two little ones are finally asleep. I've FINALLY gotten them on a nap schedule in the afternoon around 2-4 more or less...and it lasts for a few hours. Yes, I should get an effing medal. LOL, NO REALLY!! It was quite the challenge! I say that as other mothers of more than 1 child marginalize and laugh at my miniature achievement. I know it wasn't that much of an amazing feat - but I think synchronized napping may have been more challenging than potty training (although, I wouldn't really know yet). Lol, 'synchronized napping'. That sounds so Vulcan. "I will attempt to synchronize nap after administering the vulcan pinch and creating derivatives for the algorithms in my battle simulation programming." LMAO

On Thursday, there was a new episode of Grey's & Private Practice where they bridged the two shows. Addison, the main character of Private Practice, always starts the show in a therapy session; Venting her new found and/or self reflective epiphanies. Anyway, in the last episode, she describes one semester in college. She took a full courseload in complex courses, had extra curriculars, & some other time consuming high stress stuff. The punchline was that she was sooooo stressed that she didn't know what to do with herself but it was the most fun she had in college (or something along those lines). It made me reflect upon my college experience and of my life.

I thrive on stress. You wouldn't even know I had any stress sometimes but I can guarantee you - without it I wouldn't survive. Stress drives me. Stress makes me be a better mother, a better wife, and a better person. It's crazy but when I'm not stressed out, I tend to be stressed because I'm not stressed. LOL That doesn't even make any sense. Ok, lets try again. When I'm relaxing, I can't fully relax because there's a little part of me that just wonders if there was something that I had left out doing that day. I could have the whole day organized and still have this absurd irrational feeling that there's something else that I've forgotten about. I think it has something to do with a fear of my short term memory loss. Whatever it is and wherever it was from, it's a freakin' pain in the ass, hahaha!

Christopher and I are looking to buy a home soon-ish. We've been browsing this area and working with a realtor. We're just waiting for opportunities to pop up and not really going out of our way to 'FIND' whatever we may be looking for tomorrow. Anyway, we've looked at 6 homes now...6 great homes with great price tags. I hated them all, LOL. I kept putting myself in these hypothetical situations like..."Shit if I had both children crying at the same time and both upstairs but the door rang 3 floors down and had to haul both crying children, sopping wet, angry, poopy, and puking down the stairs, this would NEVER work for me." Just irrational thoughts that would NEVER happen. Or the thoughts like, "We HAVE to have 3 bedrooms on the mainfloor (or wherever the master bedroom is going to be). I won't have one child upstairs and one child downstairs, especially when they're really little." It doesn't make any sense. Honestly, the children don't feel THAT bad that they're separated and to be honest, when they get older, most of the time they don't want to be right next to their parents. Yeah I know, irrational - but my heart does this worried mom thing where I just have to (havetohavetohaveto) have them be as equal as possible. I have fears of them getting older and Kesler complaining to me that he didn't have a nursery like Izzy's when he was born. It completely crushes my heart, lol.

I blame this all on hormones now...LOL, but honestly I've been this way for the entirety of my existence (so really I shouldn't blame that).

Maybe I suffer from BPD, LOL probably not. I just suffer from 'overly cooped up mom syndrome', needing a prescription of 'needing to get out more' and/or 'needing to be around adults more'.

The point is, I'm stressed, but I love it. I love my family even though we all can be stressed out & stressful to be around. Stress isn't always a negative.

AH, that was a nice vent although I had more to say. I have to cut it short because one of the 3 stooges is awake: Squirly. Squirly, Stinky, & Moe. <3

Revelations!

My 3 lovely things for today:

1) Is much more of a relvelation. It's working so far (the 3 letters from last post.). I'm in need of some practice, that's for freakin' sure.

2) Butterfly Kisses by Bob Carlisle


3) My wonderful family, but especially - my wonderful husband & daughter. Sometimes I have to pinch myself to remind myself that it's real. :)

3 Good Things...

My mother in law, Kathy started up a new blog that states 3 good things a day. I thought it was a great idea considering I don't get a chance to post very often anymore.

I'm giving it a shot:

Mine are three letters I learned today: S, E, & T. These are letters that aid in confronting a person (for whatever reason) who usually gets easily hurt or offended.

S (Support)

"If you need comforting - I'm there."

* Indicating support. Sentence starts with him. Not a want from us. Just offer.

E (Empathy)

"You find it hard to respond and are keeping silent right now."
or
"Maybe you are upset at me and maybe you are upset about something else."

* This entices him to comfortably disclose more.

T (Truth)

"I'm currently feeling a little lost without feedback."

* Some self disclosure. This comes last so to prevent overwhelming the person you're talking to.

---

Confrontation in this form seems to 'ease' a hard topic onto an overly emotional person as oppose to just ramming it up their you know what.

The phrases aren't used word for word - it's more of the letters in order that 'help' the situation.

These are what not to do (apparently):

So you know he is upset. So let's look at the message you are thinking here. How does it start:
I love you. - invalidating
I understand - patronizing thus invalidating
that you may be upset - minimizing thus invalidating
at me, - unnecessary speculation and taking blame
and I am very sorry that you feel that way. - you are in pain because of him - blaming him - invalidating

Thus the goal is - basically to almost be as basic and blunt as you can...but just to do it in a specific order.

1) Being supportive. "Hey, I'm here for you when you're ready."
2) Empathetic. "It sure isn't easy to lose 2 jobs and get back out there everyday. I'm sure proud of you."
3) Then comes the truth (dun dun duuun). "I'm having some trouble following your emotional path. What can I do to help?"

I think it's lovely. I just hope it helps. I'm going to give it a go tonight and see. :)

Anyway, they're 3 wonderful letters that sure made our day easier. :)

Sometimes you stumble across a few chords that put you in a reflective place...

"Sometimes you stumble across a few chords that put you in a reflective place." -David Bowie

Things aren't always planned. Some things just 'happen'; Bad or good. We just have to figure out what to do with that knowledge once we have it.

- - - - - -

Used the white-board with the hubby today and it went unbelievably well.



So how it works is that the orange are his top 5 problems and the lime green are my top 5.
The bottom area is what we can do for the other to help fix or at least alleviate the problem.

It was based off of the idea of affirm, accept, criticize, control; where the spouse has listed things they obviously need help with and what can we do to make it better?

Anyway, we're giving it a shot. Things always work themselves out and I'm sure we'll succeed. :)