Justinned

So I told Justin the story. The for reals story down to the tears. 

At first, justin really wanted me to reconcile or make nice with his friend. By the end, he definitely felt for me and I'm not even sure he wants to share the story, lol. The intention wasn't to put friends against each other. Justin doesn't really have a spiteful bone in his body.

He wanted to know what's up because it didn't make much sense and it made me look crazy town. Well, lol I can warrant a little bit of crazy town considering the circumstances. 

For one thing, I think we must have had different ideas of what this promise was. Mine was based from a nerdy gamer quote.

Anyhoo, it's okay. Let's just call that an epic misunderstanding fail. 

I wish I could explain more, but I can't. 

xo

eM

Lol crazy town

Lol I this is gonna sound crazy town but the clairsentient exercises worked.

The goal was to identify 10 people. Chris would give me a picture of a random person, I would look at their face for a minute or so and describe them. You're supposed to start out with if the person gives you a negative or positive feeling and go from there describing the details of that - the specifics of the person. I was 10/10. 

The second exercise involved Chris thinking of a color. Since this doesn't involve feelings, the exercise requires physical touch - then a guess. Prior to holding his hand I was like 2/10. After holding his hand I was 9/10. Pretty crazy.

Yeah ok I'm starting to appreciate it.

xo

eM

Debunking

Okay despite my OCD in researching shit that I don't understand, I haven't really looked into clairsentience much. Mostly because despite the fact that the priest deemed me an official clairsentient, I'm not sure how much I truly believe in the "miraculous" and "supernatural" aspects of it.

Personally, all people have a level of eminating frequency. Usually it's between 62 and 72hz. I think clairsentients are just sensitive to this frequency and notice the

changes. Not all people who are clairsentients are empathics. People who can feel people, I think, just have a high IQ & EQ to be able to interpret these frequencies. 

All in all, I'm still a freak, but it's nothing supernatural or miraculous.

I found some exercises that some clairsentients do to be better at it. Some of it is hokey shit that I'm not sure I even buy, but some of it I know I can do. I'm trying it out with Chris today, lol.

That's all I've got for now.

xo

eM

SoCal

So stoked!  Sooo so so stoked!!

It is official, bruh!

Osaka's picking me and my blue Hello Kitty suitcase up on Wednesday!!! 

We plan on hanging with some friends on wed. I'm staying with my kuya till Sunday, but going free range shooting on Friday with the guys and a get together on Saturday involving scary movies, soju (or other alcoholic beverages), and puzzle fighter. I hope it's not too much of a drunken night because I leave on Sunday morning, hahaha.

Thursday I'll be with Kuya and Alma for Thanksgiving & the shhhhhhhh proposal. ;) hahahaha 

Just can't wait!!! Cannot wait.

- - -

On another note, at least Justin is talking to me again.

He's sad and grumpy that I "accused my (our) friend of something horrible". 

There's too much baggage that I just can't reopen a can of worms.

I never complained to Andy about anything. I never said he had malicious intent. It's just the nature of what happens. I don't blame him or hate his guts. I truly hope he's happy. 

Am I resentful? You fucking bet your ass I am. I'm resentful at this whole god damn situation. I just don't want to partake in it anymore.

 Let me go. I'm not that important, seriously. That wasn't fishing for anything - I was being truthful. I'm just a good friend. You'll have (and do have) plenty of great friends without the baggage of forcing yourself to be friends with someone you may have had feelings for at some point.

Get frustrated, get mad at me, whatever. "Whatever, I'm over it." <-- do that. 

- - - 

On a WoW gaming note, I went 3 lvls in 2 hours yesterday. I know it's not a world record or anything, but I was on a frickin roll! Then Becca and I got dc'd and I couldn't sign back in until a few hours later. I hope to be 100 before I get to SoCal, but we will see. I'm also not in a rush. When I get to 100 though, I may xfer back my warlock to n'z. I will definitely do it if riki and shoji return. Shit, if they came back, I'd do it right now, lmao. 

I'm picking up my iPhone 6+ on fridaaaaayyyy!!! It's gonna be so massive, I don't know how I feel about it. Considering I have small hands, I'm gonna have to use two hands to hold it to my head while I make a phone call, lol. <3 I can't wait!!!

k enough drama for my llama. What sucks about drama is that it's like a wildfire. It fucking spreads so fast and the more you try to blow that shit out, the bigger out gets. The only thing you can do is evacuate and let it run it's course. Or call the fire department, in which I guess Justin would be a firefighter. This is a blaze you just have to let die out.

Not sayin' but just sayin'. Lol

xo

eM

Mind blown

Some chick on sbnation (yes I read sbnation, it's the stats I'm attracted to) just said kaepernick is the best quarterback because he's the hottest one. Dear Lord lady, it's because of people like you that women don't get taken seriously regarding sports. I'm not saying Kaep isn't hot, but it's not what makes him awesome.

I'm not blogging about Kaepernick at 7am. I just noticed this unbelievable act of "normal" girl ness and puked in my mouth a little.

Wtf are you even doing on sbnation commenting? Dear Lord. Go home, you're drunk.

lmao

xo

eM

Ahhh

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh I can't escape, lol.

Now justin is mad at me. Greeaaaat.

He says he's not mad, but he also won't play d3 with us.

Dear Lord. 

Seriously, I have the right to walk away. It doesn't matter what I think or what they think I think. I'm allowed to end things. Jesus. 

You want an explanation? 

You don't get one. Sheesh!

I don't need to apologize for ending anything and I don't need to apologize for being hurt. I also, also, also, don't need to fucking hear an explanation just to ease your heavy heart.

You and Justin think I'm wrong - that's fine. Your intentions may have been legit (for all I fucking know). The point was, I still got taken advantage of emotionally, anyway. You're there for me when you need something, but it's different when it isn't convenient for you. Lol mistake or unintentional, I don't care. Either way, the end product was the same.

I'm sorry I ruined your September and/or summer by being married. I'm sorry that living in "Nazi Canada" burdened our friendship. Like seriously, what do you want me to say? This is retarded because you knew what kind of relationship friendship you were getting into to begin with. It's not like I hid anything. 

I'm sorry that it worked out the way it did. I'm an awesome best friend and expect awesomeness in return. I'm sorry that it's so hard to be friends with me. Trust me, I know all about the difficulty in maintaing close friendships with me considering I've  lost all my close best friends (basically) for the same reasons.

Despite it all, I don't have sympathy because you knew all of this yet you still persevered. It was a kind gesture but we all knew there would be serious repercussions. Which is why I didn't want you to fucking tell the world - because I knew it would end at some point and I would literally become the lightning rod of hate and blame yet again. 

So no explanations, no apologizing, nothing. I don't need or want anything from you. It's already taken its toll on me. I don't want to deal with any more.

Happy trails with your new void filler. I hope it works out for you better this time, as in - I hope you actually truly care about this one for her sake.

xo

eM

Response

Ahh I just got a WoW email.

I know you never meant to hurt me. I know you care. I'm sorry it has to be this way. It doesn't make it easier. I'm happy you're in a relationship. I hope things go well for you. 

Despite his intentions, the fact is people say anything to get their way. 

I don't believe that he truly ever cared for me the way he believed he did. He wasn't lying when he said it - but like Iain said, "they don't fall for you as a person - the Michie inside. people fall for this idea of you, like this perfect trophy wife to fill the void." It's a floating feeling of aspects of women that they absolutely love - that gets transferred from one possible interest to the next compatible on the list.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to invalidate his feelings. I'm sure he thought he did. But let's be real, if it takes less than a month to rebound to someone similar, but with actual potential for immediate and regular sexual interaction, the initial relationship couldn't have weighed that heavily. Lol, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure that one out. One track minded. /sigh

It's okay, lol bizzaringly enough, I just want him to be happy so I don't even care. I just don't want to be part of it again.

xo

eM