I can't be talking about this with everyone because it's kept on hush hush and I need to vent about it because my "vigilance" fucking rescuer complex goes on full blast.
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A little back story:
My mother immigrated to SF to be with my Aunt and Uncle in the 70's. When my cousins were born (Reynald & Rangell), her job was to raise them until she was able to find a job. She then found a job in the late 70's and was able to move out. After a few years, she met my dad and had me. My grandparents ended up raising Rangell and I (and other cousins & close family friends) until he was old enough to stay home alone.
Yeah i'm in my mommy's tummy right there. :)
We're 9 years apart, but he's my brother. Actually they're both my brothers. I used to be closer to Reynald when we were younger. He was the one that encouraged me into gaming - and literally, I killed "the Butcher" the first time with Reynald. He spoiled the shit out of me. Kuya Rangell was actually meaner to me (probably sibling rivalry) because we were closer in age. He was ruthless and Kuya Reynald would always come to my rescue and give Kuya Rangell a hard time. I loved my Kuyas, but Kuya Reynald seriously was my first knight in shining armor.
In the mid 2000's, Rey met a lady. Tbh, she was completely a bitch to me from the start. I was living with them in SoCal and she literally would slam the door on my face when I'd say hi. I know, seriously? Who does that? And honestly - who does that, to me? Hahaha I'm super friendly.
She did.
Anyway, since she was around, my older brother turned from Kuya Reynald to "Rey". He didn't even really call himself Kuya around me anymore (referred to himself as Rey). It was really weird. I didn't even know how to react to him or what to call him as. He's always been my brother.
Then they got married. He didn't invite me. I know, what the fuck? What the fuck.
I didn't go and I didn't really give him my blessing.
Whatever - I had let go of that.
Since about 2005ish, Kuya Rangell and I got closer. Maybe it's because I wasn't an annoying teenybopper anymore, who knows? He's always thought I was smart, but we had such a competitive nature (probably because of our upbringing), that it had always been hard to get along until that point. He was always someone I wanted to out-do. I thought the world of him - so although it comes off as a compliment now, it wasn't so much warm spirited while I was in High School, I guess.
It didn't help that he went to the same High School that I did - and that his teachers all thought he was God's gift to mankind. I mean, wide receiver of varsity football and nominated best all around. Seriously, I wasn't going to beat that...but I definitely tried.
It wasn't until college that I met or probably surpassed some of his level of education. While I was attending college, he was in grad school (UCLA). He always thought I was ridiculously good with computers, games, and electronics, but it wasn't until college where he really started looking at me differently.
Yeah I guess I was a bit of a dweeb with my dremel, hahaha.
Then I got this full scholarship. I actually got it partway through my sophomore year, but they made ambassadors my senior year. This changed our relationship a lot too. Clearly I was doing well enough to qualify for a full scholarship.
Lol, I'm not sure why I'm posting this, but it was another promo-event that I had to do as an ambassador. I had to go throughout California to conventions and high schools to promote our school. I used to hate taking pictures, hahahaha. They made me go because there were so few women in the industry at that time that the idea was to encourage more women to try.
One of my fondest memories with him in college was when I had done a sketching project and it literally was just a light 20 minute sketch, but it was featured in a gallery.
My cousin was really happy for me...and things seemed to really change for our relationship at this point. At this point, we talked all the time and he really was my knight in shining armor (and vice versa) for all the shit that would happen to us throughout the years.
K, where I'm getting at...
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Someone decided to do this Hoodoo curse on him & his girlfriend of 7 years.
I'm pissed because for those who don't know my past as well, my freshman year of college, I attended Ohlone community college and San Jose State (at the same time) while working full time. I know, overachiever much? I didn't really know what I wanted to major in, but I had learned a lot about supernatural stuff because I had some crazy personal experiences in my teenage years. This made me want to major in theology and studies of the supernatural. So in my freshman year, I declared my major to be Theology (with the intent of learning more about supernatural/paranormal issues). I studied a decent amount in pagan/wiccan/voodoo/hoodoo along with basic theological history.
I changed my major because of the fact in studying about it and more seriously the first few attempts at 'conjuring' things, a metal cross (from childhood) that had been hanging on our family's altar at home (for like 20 years) had fallen and broke.
It's a long story that I won't go into, but I was messing with shit I shouldn't have.
Knowing my lack of willpower, I went back to it a few months later. I decided to study the shinto religion at the time and was learning about the effects of nature. In better words, I basically got into Old school Japanese wiccan (with herbs and shit). I was wearing a WELDED nail iron cross, that I got from confirmation, and as I said this passage, the thing fell and broke.
OKAY, I get it God, I'm not going to fuck with this shit anymore.
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My rescuer complex wants me to do whatever it takes for him. I want to do a protection spell for him. I know it's not a good idea - but my instincts are telling me that I can help him. Everything on earth tells me not to, LOL - even him. He's like, "Seriously, you don't know if that spell is laced with hurting everyone else who tries to help me."
What's the fucked up part about this is that I think I already have.
They put a 'break up' spell on his house. They had put this spell jar into his refrigerator while I was there on my trip. It's not a biased spell - it just works on whoever's there.
I know it sounds crazy, but the jar shattered IN the fridge. The jar was burned & there were no burns on the papers inside nor the candle wasn't melted. It's fucked.
Anyway, I didn't know it was in there. All I know is that the fridge died while I was there and they just had that thing maintenanced a few months before. FUCKED!
It creeps me out, but it also indirectly makes me feel like I had unintentionally "vigilanced" him before I even knew it, because it almost managed to break up 2 relationships for me.
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I'm happy that I may have tanked it for him, but I'm also pissed and in retaliation mode. I'm not going to do anything stupid... but DAMN, the rage is burrrrrrrrrrning.
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Then I found this on my old photobucket and felt better :P hahahaha.
I have 3 versions of that, hahahaha. It makes me lol. Circa 2003. It's like I had a type or something even back then! Hahahaha
K i'm gonna get back to life now. We've got a bunch of stuff to do today and I'm eager. :)
xo
M
