It has been quite a long time since I have last written.
Lol, normally It's much easier to write for me, really. I've been a member of blogger since 2001 and most of my posts have been verbal diarrhea to say the least. Nowadays though, it seems like the older I get, the harder it is to put into words my thoughts and feelings. Maybe it's an early onset of dementia, hahahahaha SHEESH!
The two little ones are finally asleep. I've FINALLY gotten them on a nap schedule in the afternoon around 2-4 more or less...and it lasts for a few hours. Yes, I should get an effing medal. LOL, NO REALLY!! It was quite the challenge! I say that as other mothers of more than 1 child marginalize and laugh at my miniature achievement. I know it wasn't that much of an amazing feat - but I think synchronized napping may have been more challenging than potty training (although, I wouldn't really know yet). Lol, 'synchronized napping'. That sounds so Vulcan. "I will attempt to synchronize nap after administering the vulcan pinch and creating derivatives for the algorithms in my battle simulation programming." LMAO
On Thursday, there was a new episode of Grey's & Private Practice where they bridged the two shows. Addison, the main character of Private Practice, always starts the show in a therapy session; Venting her new found and/or self reflective epiphanies. Anyway, in the last episode, she describes one semester in college. She took a full courseload in complex courses, had extra curriculars, & some other time consuming high stress stuff. The punchline was that she was sooooo stressed that she didn't know what to do with herself but it was the most fun she had in college (or something along those lines). It made me reflect upon my college experience and of my life.
I thrive on stress. You wouldn't even know I had any stress sometimes but I can guarantee you - without it I wouldn't survive. Stress drives me. Stress makes me be a better mother, a better wife, and a better person. It's crazy but when I'm not stressed out, I tend to be stressed because I'm not stressed. LOL That doesn't even make any sense. Ok, lets try again. When I'm relaxing, I can't fully relax because there's a little part of me that just wonders if there was something that I had left out doing that day. I could have the whole day organized and still have this absurd irrational feeling that there's something else that I've forgotten about. I think it has something to do with a fear of my short term memory loss. Whatever it is and wherever it was from, it's a freakin' pain in the ass, hahaha!
Christopher and I are looking to buy a home soon-ish. We've been browsing this area and working with a realtor. We're just waiting for opportunities to pop up and not really going out of our way to 'FIND' whatever we may be looking for tomorrow. Anyway, we've looked at 6 homes now...6 great homes with great price tags. I hated them all, LOL. I kept putting myself in these hypothetical situations like..."Shit if I had both children crying at the same time and both upstairs but the door rang 3 floors down and had to haul both crying children, sopping wet, angry, poopy, and puking down the stairs, this would NEVER work for me." Just irrational thoughts that would NEVER happen. Or the thoughts like, "We HAVE to have 3 bedrooms on the mainfloor (or wherever the master bedroom is going to be). I won't have one child upstairs and one child downstairs, especially when they're really little." It doesn't make any sense. Honestly, the children don't feel THAT bad that they're separated and to be honest, when they get older, most of the time they don't want to be right next to their parents. Yeah I know, irrational - but my heart does this worried mom thing where I just have to (havetohavetohaveto) have them be as equal as possible. I have fears of them getting older and Kesler complaining to me that he didn't have a nursery like Izzy's when he was born. It completely crushes my heart, lol.
I blame this all on hormones now...LOL, but honestly I've been this way for the entirety of my existence (so really I shouldn't blame that).
Maybe I suffer from BPD, LOL probably not. I just suffer from 'overly cooped up mom syndrome', needing a prescription of 'needing to get out more' and/or 'needing to be around adults more'.
The point is, I'm stressed, but I love it. I love my family even though we all can be stressed out & stressful to be around. Stress isn't always a negative.
AH, that was a nice vent although I had more to say. I have to cut it short because one of the 3 stooges is awake: Squirly. Squirly, Stinky, & Moe. <3
kupo
